I think professionally it is better to give a reason honestly. (Just a "Unfortunately I don't have any availability for the next x months")
Like we're not at the stage of asserting a boundary against a manipulative person, a person who has abdicated the right to normal polite phrasing (re "no is a complete sentence").
Or if we are dealing with a manipulative person, it's the one who lives in our heads, not the real person we're talking to
Saying no is nothing less than taking back your power. Saying no and offering no excuses is taking back your power completely. "I'll have to say no, but thankyou for considering me for the task."
Not everyone deserves an explanation for your "no". That's also a hard boundary to draw, but necessary. You will disappoint people with a "no"and again a difficult boundary to draw, but necessary. Delight in the times you say "yes" and it was absolutely the right decision and led to a lot of joy - this makes the act of saying "no" much easier!
The "pretend it's going to be tomorrow" tip is one I use all the time and it's so helpful. Often I also ask myself, would I want to do it right now? I used to think future me would be full of energy and wanting to do everything, but no, she is just as tired as current me 🤣
No has always been hard to deal with. Too many “no’s” and word gets out that you are hard to deal with. Too many yes’s bury you in work, and may or may not expand the future opportunities. No will always be a difficult decision; but required.
I always feel that I need to follow a "no" with a long list of reasons and justifications.
I need to remember that I can just say "No" and that should be enough.
I think professionally it is better to give a reason honestly. (Just a "Unfortunately I don't have any availability for the next x months")
Like we're not at the stage of asserting a boundary against a manipulative person, a person who has abdicated the right to normal polite phrasing (re "no is a complete sentence").
Or if we are dealing with a manipulative person, it's the one who lives in our heads, not the real person we're talking to
Me too! No is a complete sentence. So hard to remember. Good luck Mark!
Ahhh the horror of saying yes to what is really a no. Such a hard habit to break.
It reminds me of Portia Nelson’s poem:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
Saying no is nothing less than taking back your power. Saying no and offering no excuses is taking back your power completely. "I'll have to say no, but thankyou for considering me for the task."
Not everyone deserves an explanation for your "no". That's also a hard boundary to draw, but necessary. You will disappoint people with a "no"and again a difficult boundary to draw, but necessary. Delight in the times you say "yes" and it was absolutely the right decision and led to a lot of joy - this makes the act of saying "no" much easier!
The "pretend it's going to be tomorrow" tip is one I use all the time and it's so helpful. Often I also ask myself, would I want to do it right now? I used to think future me would be full of energy and wanting to do everything, but no, she is just as tired as current me 🤣
The hardest person to say NO! to is myself.
No has always been hard to deal with. Too many “no’s” and word gets out that you are hard to deal with. Too many yes’s bury you in work, and may or may not expand the future opportunities. No will always be a difficult decision; but required.