In Internal Family Systems (IFS), the key to lasting, long-term transformation is healing our exiles — the parts of us that carry our deepest traumas.

Making surface-level changes softens up our personalities so that there is more space to address the deeper underlying wounds we carry. Which is why EVERY tiny shift we can make, from eating a can of non-dairy whipped cream versus a can of dairy whipped cream (if dairy phlegms us up) is worth it. (Shout out to my excellent harm-reduction strategy last night!)

In my opinion, NO tiny change goes unnoticed by our overall system. Every effort is worth it. AND the more strength we gather to address the deep, core wounds we carry (IFS calls them ‘burdens’), the more lasting change we will accomplish.

It takes a village of strategies to do this work. One, two, or ten techniques is not going to cut it. Whatever we can do to till the soil, loosen up the clods of gnarly old patterns and make our consciousness fertile, creative and generative — that’s what’s worth doing. And then if deeper work is needed, digging deeper to do that work. It sucks sometimes. If it takes a can of whipped cream for dinner, so be it. But whatever we start with, wherever we start, at least starting.

My goal for this week is to just keep digging. Glad to be digging with you!

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Hey Chris & others,

I've been here for awhile mostly in a passive capacity during a particularly tumultuous and sad time for my family. I finally feel ready to start engaging, and I look forward to learning a few things along the way :)

1. In what ways have you felt misunderstood? Living with undiagnosed ADHD my whole life caused me to often feel misunderstood. For example, I regularly heard things like "you have so much potential but..." and "you can go far in life if only you apply yourself/focus..." I internalized these words and they became beliefs that I'm just now dismantling in sobriety.

2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would love for my completion rate for new projects be somewhat more in line with my drive to start new projects (I get super excited about a lot of things but the excitement sometimes tapers off - Hello ADHD!)

3. Something you’re curious about. I'm curious about how other folks prioritize tasks and set long-term goals.

4. Your #1 goal for the week. To write for one hour (minimum) per day.

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You’re inspiring! I think recognizing we are not all replicas of each other sb there is no one way fits all. Everyone in my family is super neat and can clean one room then move on to next. Me? Nope. I find it more “interesting” to do a little in each room and move on with fresh eyes to next room. I also start projects and move on to next before “completing” first project. Once something is checked off as done, the feeling of accomplishment isn’t short lived for me. I like moving seamlessly among projects and work til I am moved to place my attention elsewhere. We are all different. Embrace your way if it keeps you motivated to do something every day. We are not robots. We are experiential beings having a worldly experience. Infinite blessings to you!

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Thank you so much for taking the time to reply with kind words 💗

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Well I passed the test, now I know that I'm supposed to be here and more importantly (like many others I'm sure), I actually want to be here! =)

1. My desire to spend a lot of my time alone working on things I believe in tends to be misunderstood not wanting to spend time with people I care about.

2. I would love to create more balance and harmony between my doing and my being.

3. I'm always curious about what's around the corner, I spend a lot of time thinking about the future.

4. Training and eventually offloading all those energy draining video editing/social media tasks to my new VA/editor.

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I really liked reading the About Your Reader part. That describes me for the most part. I like your writing. It is simple and straightforward while also makes you interested to keep reading. Thank you very much. I’m always skeptical of how that description may describe everyone, but I see your point and definitely will continue to read your posts.

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While I do not struggle with the mental health challenges you describe in your post, I do support a family member who has battled with these issues for many years. It's been very useful to read your insights as it helps me to understand what my family member lives with every day, and encourages me to be more compassionate and less frustrated by their behaviour. Your target audience may be broader than you think.

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The more people I get to know, the more I feel like this is ‘Everyone’. Unless of course, I’m just getting to know the people that want change.

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