What's been helpful: not tracking my steps and focusing on enjoying my walks for their own sake. In fact, I don't track anything anymore. I just DO things--lift weights a couple times a week, amble around the neighborhood, go to yoga on Tuesdays, eat veggies for most of my meals (because I like them), and read all the books I want. I used to set goals, but it really took the fun out of life. I figured it's healthier to just do the things I know are good for me as a matter of course and not always be setting the bar higher and higher. As someone with a chronic condition that's sometimes unpredictable, it was also discouraging when I had weeks where things didn't go the way I expected. Now every time I get a walk in or have a delicious meal, I feel so grateful. :)
I feel this sooo much. I can become super obsessive with data tracking... I used to wear one of those fitness trackers, and I got really obsessed with tracking my sleep. So much so that the tracking was actually causing me to sleep more poorly and the data was causing me to have bad days because it was telling me I didn't sleep enough so "I should be having a bad day."
This is wonderful, Marianne. I have a fitness tracker and enjoy it, but I've been using one for more than seven years and have found it has no effect on my weight or general feeling of health whatsoever. The drive for more data doesn't always make us happier or more productive.
What has actually worked was giving up "productive" mornings. I am naturally a morning person and have long tried to be that early riser who mediated, wrote, and hit the gym before my 9-to-5. But I stopped. Great sleep is more important. Checking in with myself with no agenda or timeline is more important. Gently waking and easing into my day results in an overall quieter pace and reduction in anxiety. It took me a long time to realize that I didn't owe the most vibrant part of my day to to a job. I took it back as mine. Good for the CEO who gets a day's worth of tasks checked off before 7 am, but, for me, the quiet, reclaiming of my morning results in a day I enjoy.
Oy, so much I could say! But we'll be at this 3x a week for a year, so there's plenty of opportunity, right? :)
I'm one of those people for whom meditation works. And I very much appreciate what you've said here. (Irony alert:) I've learned via my meditation is that my lifelong rule-following (ie, "do as you're told," "be a good girl," etc.) doesn't keep me safe. This is obvious, of course, but I didn't even realize I felt that way, nor did I realize that's what I was doing. I can see it now. I'll never be an out-and-out rebel, but I have learned that rules are, indeed, just guidelines, and I must trust the compass within.
Meditation has helped me get to sleep, one of my biggest issues. Of course, I have to get to bed before my husband is deep asleep so I don't wake him up! THAT is the problem, getting to bed sooner. I'm a reader and love to read a lot before going to bed.
As far as the rest of the things on the list, whew, I've got other issues I need to overcome that people who pop up for a normal workday totally don't understand. Heck, I don't understand them myself.
Soooper unhelpful is any advice that has no answer when asked, how does one apply your advice while primary parenting a two year old? Hustle bro culture can suck it. Shout out to the Book, Who Cooked Adam Smith's Dinner.
I haven’t read that book; but I literally asked my Econ prof, Who did all of Adam Smith’s domestic work for him? Econ prof replied <imagine her French accent>: “Well, he lived with his mother…”
make the shirt yourself - any old shirt and an acrylic marker . . . draw, doodle, get friends to sign it like we did with childhood broken-arm casts . . . many colors, or one color; all capital letters or cursive . . . don't wait for corporate culture to take your money for your delight!
Or he's grown and changed in a decade? That is possible right? For someone to not be the same person they were ten years ago? Either way, once is really enough to express your point. Spamming this comment over and over doesn't really have any effect except making yourself appear hugely annoying which doesn't really help your cause. 😬😂
"Who Cooked Adam Smith's Dinner". is a GREAT suggestion - I've ranted for decades about the idea these "great men" didn't even do their own laundry, never mind feed themselves beyond elegant bisto meals with other equally-lauded-dudes. Reality isn't glamorous, so it's not covered in the "news" and social media, so it's not celebrated and sought after . . . so an enormously mistaken picture of life is put forward. We need always to be CONSCIOUS of history being written (and created) by the winners, and remember that power/force/$$$ most often wins, so there ALWAYS were others involved, and those others are not necessarily "losers", so to speak, but often the support network for the winners who choose to keep the "glory" all for themselves . . . not to mention the plain, simple fact it's easier for a reporter or history book to mention the most visible individuals than for a roster to be named! Think of the credits for a movie as an analogy for real life - others there, and made contributions (without which the Big Names wouldn't be big names) but not prominently displayed. Or prominently credited. . . I don't mean this next as criticism, but observation of OUR common behavior - note Rowan gave us the book title, but not the author - Katrine Marcal, then trans. from Swedish by Saskia Vogel. That habit is something with which I struggle myself, wanting always to take the few extra moments to credit my source, even though I'm not writing a thesis to be published! I want to honor the work of creators everywhere the best I can; they're too often in the background of their creations. Quick: who wrote the screenplay for the last movie you loved? Has history given us the "advice" it's too much trouble to take (waste?) valuable time (is money, y'know!) giving credit? Has it been profitable for the owners of lumber mills for people not to remember to credit trees for giving us oxygen to breathe? Subtle influence masquerading as life advice? Go along to get along? Hmmmm - not sure I like this rabbit hole I just dug . . .
Amen! I don't have children, but I often discuss with a couple close friends that all these people (mainly men, but not always) out there pontificating about to achieve greatness you must devote your time to that one thing (or whatever), everything else be damned, and blah, blah, blah... I always wonder, "okay, while you are out there 'hustling', who is taking care of all the everyday b.s. that needs to get accomplished? Do you rely on a significant other whose only existence is to manage the everyday life things? Do you outsource all this? If so, what does this cost you? How can the majority of people even afford such things?" And on, and on.
Oh the hustle bros, who claim that you MUST have a morning routine to be successful, yet if they have families they are relying on their partner's labor to get their morning routine done, and then, according to their own advice, admitting that their partner is giving up their chance of success by enabling the hustle bro's success. Except they never mention this at all. It's like everyone has five glorious hours in the morning free of any other obligations.
Worst advice: “Don’t check your email first thing in the morning. Instead, start with your important work.”
Well, I tried that and would get so anxious that I simply wouldn’t do anything at all. It turns out that, at least for me with my anxiety and ADHD, starting my day with email actually makes me MORE productive. Email is easy and non-threatening, so it doesn’t make me too scared to begin. Then, once I’ve already started working, moving onto the next task I need to do doesn’t seem so scary.
It really made me realize that for people with certain mental health conditions, a lot of productivity advice doesn’t work and may even be harmful.
So true. Long ago I heard something from Chris Brogan that's been helpful for me. He suggested doing a quick scan of your inbox at the start of the day. Maybe send any urgent replies or make notes of things to deal with later—then get to the deep work.
That way, you still prioritize the deep work, but you have less anxiety about what's left unread/unseen.
I recently read that things like email first for neurodivergent folks like us (AuDHD here) is actually more beneficial because it's an "easy win", and gives us the dopamine we need to take on our more difficult tasks. Obviously not a "one size fits all", but I relate to this so much. A lot of my daily prioritization often hinges on emails as well, for me it's an added plus.
I agree! It is an "easy win" and I like that way of describing it. I feel like I clear the deck for the day by getting it all out of the way so it's not piling up on me. Also, I sometimes have clients cancel / want to shift things and if I don't check email first thing I could be in for some nasty surprises!
Just highlights the importance for each of us to take advice with a grain of salt; I have been working a lot on showing compassion toward myself, and remembering that something not working *for me* says nothing about me other than I need to try something else.
Reading emails first actually helps me begin to transition into work mode and focus. I dont think i could jump right into a project and actually accomplish anything meaningful!
Same! I find I need to go through some emails, check if anything important/urgent, and a few small tasks before I can feel settled enough to attack a bigger task. Otherwise I feel stressed by all the little things waiting for me. It somehow clears my brain out so I can sit down and focus.
Excellent points - thanks so much! Worst advice: When I was truly miserable a couple of months into in a 1-year volunteer program after college, I was told that I had to stick it out so I could "learn to always keep my commitments" (though that had never been a problem in the past). I did, and my life got significantly worse due to the knock-on effects of ignoring what my gut was trying to scream at me. I found that making a practice of ignoring it in this way was a deeply unhealthy habit that accrued: I felt less and less like myself, had a harder time hearing my gut after a while, and felt increasingly unhappy, as a consequence of which I made more, bigger bad choices - choices I know I never would have made if I had just left that program when I knew to leave. So that's why it's important to follow your gut: not just because of the benefits for right now, but for what it means about the habits you are building and the cumulative consequences of listening or not listening, over time.
Best advice - which could maybe apply to some of the comments below... Be curious not judgemental. (not Walt Whitman via Ted Lasso) Being curious about self/others is a really useful starting point.
I'm laughing because getting a dog would be a nightmare for me, and yet I'm so happy that other people have dogs and wonderful lives with them. Just another example of how advice works perfectly well for some and not for others. Enjoy your dog!
One thing that's been helpful to me: Picking a direction and just going for it (whether it was the 'right' thing for me at the time or the 'wrong' thing).
I can paralyze myself by obsessing over all of the options, but that obsession gets me nowhere. I've been living 10+ years with the "f it" mentality and it's been so transformative.
If there were a one-size-fits-all solution to living, humans would have found it by now. I find tracking some things helpful but not others. I also need what I call a "long on-ramp" and "long off-ramp" each day, meaning I get up 90 minutes before I need to go anywhere or do anything and I wind down about 90 minutes before lights out, because I learned I need plenty of time to transition into and out of my day. Oh, and we admitted to our kids long ago that adults were just making everything up as we went along. They seemed to appreciate the honesty.
Yes! Every morning I wake up and play a game (June's journey) on my phone, because it's almost like a meditation to me. It really calms me and centers me for the day. For a while after I started this game I felt guilty and would try to jump up and just dive into things and it NEVER went well. Now I've finally accepted that it's a healthy mindful practice for me, no matter how much the world tells me otherwise. It's still hard though, all of the conditioning of society keeps trying to creep in and make me feel guilty...
Worst advice: I used to suffer from debilitating migraines. Advice from the person who was supposed to help me? "You need to chill out and stop worrying so much."
Ha! Exactly. It seems actual medical help lessened the migraine occurrences. I'm still a chronic worrier (but actively working on it). It seems being told to "Just stop" didn't help that very separate issue.
oh, how many heart emojis can I give this one? YES - "you should . . ." is one of the most debilitating openers, insulting is SO many ways . . . although, it does serve as a lesson the person saying it is best ignored for advice -
This series is so funny to me. Chris Guillebeau's blog was the original source that sent me down a rabbit hole of unhelpful productivity "hacks" and goal-setting that eventually led to a pretty severe creative block. Not saying it was his fault or anything! It was definitely a problem in me, but it's interesting to see him showing up with a new attitude just as I'm finding my way to a healthier lifestyle as well.
My most useful life hack for defeating intense creative block and lack of motivation: intense therapy. ;p
Just noting that I didn't delete that person's critical comment. I think *they* changed their mind and removed it. I'll continue to keep all comments up, including criticism of me, unless it gets out of hand. 🙌🏼
Aren’t we all making it up as we go? Life is one big experiment for each of us to find our way. I’m glad you’re sharing what’s no longer working, Chris. “What got us here, won’t get us there” is the attitude of a growth mindset. Thats what I’ve always enjoyed about your contrarian thinking.
Possibly! I'm willing to listen because I feel like we're all just making it up as we go along, lol...
But you definitely can't hustle your way out of childhood trauma or medical issues. I'm glad to see the trend away from broicism. I just hope it doesn't lean toward some other sort of quick fix.
EPIC Ari!!!! YES! “You definitely can’t hustle your way out of childhood trauma or medical issues.”
Great therapy trumps almost any other solution to being human! Really addressing the childhood wounds is a serious miracle! As is addressing underlying real physical issues. Thanks for saying this!
As someone who now meditates and finds it extremely helpful, I 100% agree that meditation isn't for everyone.
I used to have debilitating PTSD. When I tried to meditate, it would always end in a major, multi-hour long panic attack. Meditating only became helpful for me *after* I addressed some of the underlying issues and spent almost five full years in intensive therapy. Before that, anytime someone told me to meditate, I just wanted to punch them.
As a yoga instructor who has been trying to be more aware when it comes to suggestions for my students, I've had to learn a lot about meditation and other practices that might be too "slow" depending on where people are in their lives. Some people *can't* handle meditation or stillness, and for some, it's what they really need. It's definitely something that I've been sharing in discussions with my fellow teachers and peers.
HELPFUL: Learning I'm not "effed up", I have off the charts ADD. :-)
SUPER HELPFUL: Learning how to turn my ADD into a superpower by working WITH my brain, instead of against it. (And it explains why I've been a serial entrepreneur and work best at startups, vs. established lifeless corporations, etc.)
NOT HELPFUL: Same as Chris... Telling me to focus, just work harder, wake up earlier, etc.
A turning point for me was recognizing that I wasn’t receiving a lot of return on the effort I was putting into my work. Of course, I was paid. Yes, I helped others (very one-sided). And yes, there was always ten more things to pick up once you wrapped one up.
So I started putting more into the things that did give back. Taking walks, sitting (doing nothing) in the sun on a nice day, preparing slow meals. My actual output isn’t much less, but I’m less invested in it. Most of it didn’t matter - not really.
I think what I’m curious about is if there’s something actually wrong with that. I’ve been setting and achieving goals for so long. I kind of just want to be.
YES. I have developed debilitating chronic illness in the last few years, and while obviously it's miserable, it's also one of the best things that ever happened to me. The forced change in mindset to truly just appreciating sitting in the sun and feeling like I have it all instead of my goals being all about productivity is.. magical. 💖
Worst advice isn't what kind of advice its how its given. I rebel against advice that's given as "you should" or 'need to' or 'must'. I don't want people to tell me what to do.
I want advice to tell me what kinds of tools I could put into my (virtual) box or try out to see if they work for me. I want to see what works for others and try it out for myself. I want to be treated as an intelligent individual who has enough brains to figure stuff out for myself once I have enough information.
Sometimes I just want to know where to find more reliable information. I want to trust my sources.
Agreed! I find anything delivered with a should provokes a response in me of “stop ‘shoulding’ all over me” - occasionally I will say that out loud causing people to do a double take as I generally don’t use swear words and if they aren’t listening carefully they think I just did. So I’ve marked “should” as a swear word in my vocabulary now too.
Best advice: know thyself. Doesn’t matter what works for others unless they share similar traits. I will never be a morning person. I rebel against structure. So why not find what works for me instead of fitting into the box of someone who thrives on discipline?
What's been helpful: not tracking my steps and focusing on enjoying my walks for their own sake. In fact, I don't track anything anymore. I just DO things--lift weights a couple times a week, amble around the neighborhood, go to yoga on Tuesdays, eat veggies for most of my meals (because I like them), and read all the books I want. I used to set goals, but it really took the fun out of life. I figured it's healthier to just do the things I know are good for me as a matter of course and not always be setting the bar higher and higher. As someone with a chronic condition that's sometimes unpredictable, it was also discouraging when I had weeks where things didn't go the way I expected. Now every time I get a walk in or have a delicious meal, I feel so grateful. :)
I feel this sooo much. I can become super obsessive with data tracking... I used to wear one of those fitness trackers, and I got really obsessed with tracking my sleep. So much so that the tracking was actually causing me to sleep more poorly and the data was causing me to have bad days because it was telling me I didn't sleep enough so "I should be having a bad day."
I think trackers sometimes trick us into, not listening to how we actually feel. How accurate are those things, anyway?
Fantastic points Marianne. I can not state enough the never ending trend of all the external and third parties trying to "KPI our whole life".
Removing all the KPIs, especially from your leisure time activities, can be so freeing. I am happy to read it worked that well for you!
Additionally, as an exercise and sport scientist at the core of my background, please do not get me started on the accuracy and validity of trackers.
All you need to ask yourself:
Is it possible that a 99$ mass produced device can do all of that accurately?
This is wonderful, Marianne. I have a fitness tracker and enjoy it, but I've been using one for more than seven years and have found it has no effect on my weight or general feeling of health whatsoever. The drive for more data doesn't always make us happier or more productive.
Oh this!! 100% this.
What has actually worked was giving up "productive" mornings. I am naturally a morning person and have long tried to be that early riser who mediated, wrote, and hit the gym before my 9-to-5. But I stopped. Great sleep is more important. Checking in with myself with no agenda or timeline is more important. Gently waking and easing into my day results in an overall quieter pace and reduction in anxiety. It took me a long time to realize that I didn't owe the most vibrant part of my day to to a job. I took it back as mine. Good for the CEO who gets a day's worth of tasks checked off before 7 am, but, for me, the quiet, reclaiming of my morning results in a day I enjoy.
That's really interesting. The "morning habit" thing is almost unquestioned these days. I like how you've found something that works better for you.
Oy, so much I could say! But we'll be at this 3x a week for a year, so there's plenty of opportunity, right? :)
I'm one of those people for whom meditation works. And I very much appreciate what you've said here. (Irony alert:) I've learned via my meditation is that my lifelong rule-following (ie, "do as you're told," "be a good girl," etc.) doesn't keep me safe. This is obvious, of course, but I didn't even realize I felt that way, nor did I realize that's what I was doing. I can see it now. I'll never be an out-and-out rebel, but I have learned that rules are, indeed, just guidelines, and I must trust the compass within.
"Lifelong rule-keeping doesn't keep me safe"—so true. Trust that compass. 🧭
Meditation has helped me get to sleep, one of my biggest issues. Of course, I have to get to bed before my husband is deep asleep so I don't wake him up! THAT is the problem, getting to bed sooner. I'm a reader and love to read a lot before going to bed.
As far as the rest of the things on the list, whew, I've got other issues I need to overcome that people who pop up for a normal workday totally don't understand. Heck, I don't understand them myself.
Meditation also helps me sleep, in the sense that every time I try to meditate, I fall asleep!
Soooper unhelpful is any advice that has no answer when asked, how does one apply your advice while primary parenting a two year old? Hustle bro culture can suck it. Shout out to the Book, Who Cooked Adam Smith's Dinner.
I haven’t read that book; but I literally asked my Econ prof, Who did all of Adam Smith’s domestic work for him? Econ prof replied <imagine her French accent>: “Well, he lived with his mother…”
Omg of COURSE he lived with his mother. And you know she was thinking “Adam, buddy, isn’t it about time you got your own place...?”
Same with Thoreau right?? His mom still did his laundry and such I think? 🤔
"Hustle bro culture can suck it." Amen!
Someone put that on a tee shirt! :)
I would buy one! lol...
make the shirt yourself - any old shirt and an acrylic marker . . . draw, doodle, get friends to sign it like we did with childhood broken-arm casts . . . many colors, or one color; all capital letters or cursive . . . don't wait for corporate culture to take your money for your delight!
Why do you keep posting this?
Or he's grown and changed in a decade? That is possible right? For someone to not be the same person they were ten years ago? Either way, once is really enough to express your point. Spamming this comment over and over doesn't really have any effect except making yourself appear hugely annoying which doesn't really help your cause. 😬😂
"Who Cooked Adam Smith's Dinner". is a GREAT suggestion - I've ranted for decades about the idea these "great men" didn't even do their own laundry, never mind feed themselves beyond elegant bisto meals with other equally-lauded-dudes. Reality isn't glamorous, so it's not covered in the "news" and social media, so it's not celebrated and sought after . . . so an enormously mistaken picture of life is put forward. We need always to be CONSCIOUS of history being written (and created) by the winners, and remember that power/force/$$$ most often wins, so there ALWAYS were others involved, and those others are not necessarily "losers", so to speak, but often the support network for the winners who choose to keep the "glory" all for themselves . . . not to mention the plain, simple fact it's easier for a reporter or history book to mention the most visible individuals than for a roster to be named! Think of the credits for a movie as an analogy for real life - others there, and made contributions (without which the Big Names wouldn't be big names) but not prominently displayed. Or prominently credited. . . I don't mean this next as criticism, but observation of OUR common behavior - note Rowan gave us the book title, but not the author - Katrine Marcal, then trans. from Swedish by Saskia Vogel. That habit is something with which I struggle myself, wanting always to take the few extra moments to credit my source, even though I'm not writing a thesis to be published! I want to honor the work of creators everywhere the best I can; they're too often in the background of their creations. Quick: who wrote the screenplay for the last movie you loved? Has history given us the "advice" it's too much trouble to take (waste?) valuable time (is money, y'know!) giving credit? Has it been profitable for the owners of lumber mills for people not to remember to credit trees for giving us oxygen to breathe? Subtle influence masquerading as life advice? Go along to get along? Hmmmm - not sure I like this rabbit hole I just dug . . .
Amen! I don't have children, but I often discuss with a couple close friends that all these people (mainly men, but not always) out there pontificating about to achieve greatness you must devote your time to that one thing (or whatever), everything else be damned, and blah, blah, blah... I always wonder, "okay, while you are out there 'hustling', who is taking care of all the everyday b.s. that needs to get accomplished? Do you rely on a significant other whose only existence is to manage the everyday life things? Do you outsource all this? If so, what does this cost you? How can the majority of people even afford such things?" And on, and on.
Oh the hustle bros, who claim that you MUST have a morning routine to be successful, yet if they have families they are relying on their partner's labor to get their morning routine done, and then, according to their own advice, admitting that their partner is giving up their chance of success by enabling the hustle bro's success. Except they never mention this at all. It's like everyone has five glorious hours in the morning free of any other obligations.
Worst advice: “Don’t check your email first thing in the morning. Instead, start with your important work.”
Well, I tried that and would get so anxious that I simply wouldn’t do anything at all. It turns out that, at least for me with my anxiety and ADHD, starting my day with email actually makes me MORE productive. Email is easy and non-threatening, so it doesn’t make me too scared to begin. Then, once I’ve already started working, moving onto the next task I need to do doesn’t seem so scary.
It really made me realize that for people with certain mental health conditions, a lot of productivity advice doesn’t work and may even be harmful.
So true. Long ago I heard something from Chris Brogan that's been helpful for me. He suggested doing a quick scan of your inbox at the start of the day. Maybe send any urgent replies or make notes of things to deal with later—then get to the deep work.
That way, you still prioritize the deep work, but you have less anxiety about what's left unread/unseen.
This also avoids “Haven’t you read my email?” phone calls, and being unprepared for dealing with some crisis.
I recently read that things like email first for neurodivergent folks like us (AuDHD here) is actually more beneficial because it's an "easy win", and gives us the dopamine we need to take on our more difficult tasks. Obviously not a "one size fits all", but I relate to this so much. A lot of my daily prioritization often hinges on emails as well, for me it's an added plus.
I agree! It is an "easy win" and I like that way of describing it. I feel like I clear the deck for the day by getting it all out of the way so it's not piling up on me. Also, I sometimes have clients cancel / want to shift things and if I don't check email first thing I could be in for some nasty surprises!
Just highlights the importance for each of us to take advice with a grain of salt; I have been working a lot on showing compassion toward myself, and remembering that something not working *for me* says nothing about me other than I need to try something else.
Reading emails first actually helps me begin to transition into work mode and focus. I dont think i could jump right into a project and actually accomplish anything meaningful!
Same! I find I need to go through some emails, check if anything important/urgent, and a few small tasks before I can feel settled enough to attack a bigger task. Otherwise I feel stressed by all the little things waiting for me. It somehow clears my brain out so I can sit down and focus.
Excellent points - thanks so much! Worst advice: When I was truly miserable a couple of months into in a 1-year volunteer program after college, I was told that I had to stick it out so I could "learn to always keep my commitments" (though that had never been a problem in the past). I did, and my life got significantly worse due to the knock-on effects of ignoring what my gut was trying to scream at me. I found that making a practice of ignoring it in this way was a deeply unhealthy habit that accrued: I felt less and less like myself, had a harder time hearing my gut after a while, and felt increasingly unhappy, as a consequence of which I made more, bigger bad choices - choices I know I never would have made if I had just left that program when I knew to leave. So that's why it's important to follow your gut: not just because of the benefits for right now, but for what it means about the habits you are building and the cumulative consequences of listening or not listening, over time.
Best advice - which could maybe apply to some of the comments below... Be curious not judgemental. (not Walt Whitman via Ted Lasso) Being curious about self/others is a really useful starting point.
Worst advice - don't get a dog.
I'm laughing because getting a dog would be a nightmare for me, and yet I'm so happy that other people have dogs and wonderful lives with them. Just another example of how advice works perfectly well for some and not for others. Enjoy your dog!
One thing that's been helpful to me: Picking a direction and just going for it (whether it was the 'right' thing for me at the time or the 'wrong' thing).
I can paralyze myself by obsessing over all of the options, but that obsession gets me nowhere. I've been living 10+ years with the "f it" mentality and it's been so transformative.
If there were a one-size-fits-all solution to living, humans would have found it by now. I find tracking some things helpful but not others. I also need what I call a "long on-ramp" and "long off-ramp" each day, meaning I get up 90 minutes before I need to go anywhere or do anything and I wind down about 90 minutes before lights out, because I learned I need plenty of time to transition into and out of my day. Oh, and we admitted to our kids long ago that adults were just making everything up as we went along. They seemed to appreciate the honesty.
Yes! Every morning I wake up and play a game (June's journey) on my phone, because it's almost like a meditation to me. It really calms me and centers me for the day. For a while after I started this game I felt guilty and would try to jump up and just dive into things and it NEVER went well. Now I've finally accepted that it's a healthy mindful practice for me, no matter how much the world tells me otherwise. It's still hard though, all of the conditioning of society keeps trying to creep in and make me feel guilty...
“If there were a one-size-fits-all solution to living, humans would have found it by now.” Beautifully articulated! That one is a keeper for me!
Worst advice: I used to suffer from debilitating migraines. Advice from the person who was supposed to help me? "You need to chill out and stop worrying so much."
Okay... I'll get right on that.
Wow. I assume you took that advice and never had a migraine again.
Ha! Exactly. It seems actual medical help lessened the migraine occurrences. I'm still a chronic worrier (but actively working on it). It seems being told to "Just stop" didn't help that very separate issue.
Did you punch them in the face and then say “Wow -- I feel more chill already!” ??
Oh my gosh what crap advice!! So aggravating. Geez!!! I note the “you” statement it starts with. Most horrible advice starts with a “you” statement!
oh, how many heart emojis can I give this one? YES - "you should . . ." is one of the most debilitating openers, insulting is SO many ways . . . although, it does serve as a lesson the person saying it is best ignored for advice -
This series is so funny to me. Chris Guillebeau's blog was the original source that sent me down a rabbit hole of unhelpful productivity "hacks" and goal-setting that eventually led to a pretty severe creative block. Not saying it was his fault or anything! It was definitely a problem in me, but it's interesting to see him showing up with a new attitude just as I'm finding my way to a healthier lifestyle as well.
My most useful life hack for defeating intense creative block and lack of motivation: intense therapy. ;p
FocusMate is working for me, too. Lol
Oh, I'm definitely making it up as I go. And yes, I'm a writer, so there will probably be a book.
Just noting that I didn't delete that person's critical comment. I think *they* changed their mind and removed it. I'll continue to keep all comments up, including criticism of me, unless it gets out of hand. 🙌🏼
What did Chris ever do to you? 🤦♀️😂
Aren’t we all making it up as we go? Life is one big experiment for each of us to find our way. I’m glad you’re sharing what’s no longer working, Chris. “What got us here, won’t get us there” is the attitude of a growth mindset. Thats what I’ve always enjoyed about your contrarian thinking.
I'm definitely making it all up as I go, haha!
Can there also be drag queens on stilts with donuts?
Possibly! I'm willing to listen because I feel like we're all just making it up as we go along, lol...
But you definitely can't hustle your way out of childhood trauma or medical issues. I'm glad to see the trend away from broicism. I just hope it doesn't lean toward some other sort of quick fix.
EPIC Ari!!!! YES! “You definitely can’t hustle your way out of childhood trauma or medical issues.”
Great therapy trumps almost any other solution to being human! Really addressing the childhood wounds is a serious miracle! As is addressing underlying real physical issues. Thanks for saying this!
As someone who now meditates and finds it extremely helpful, I 100% agree that meditation isn't for everyone.
I used to have debilitating PTSD. When I tried to meditate, it would always end in a major, multi-hour long panic attack. Meditating only became helpful for me *after* I addressed some of the underlying issues and spent almost five full years in intensive therapy. Before that, anytime someone told me to meditate, I just wanted to punch them.
As a yoga instructor who has been trying to be more aware when it comes to suggestions for my students, I've had to learn a lot about meditation and other practices that might be too "slow" depending on where people are in their lives. Some people *can't* handle meditation or stillness, and for some, it's what they really need. It's definitely something that I've been sharing in discussions with my fellow teachers and peers.
HELPFUL: Learning I'm not "effed up", I have off the charts ADD. :-)
SUPER HELPFUL: Learning how to turn my ADD into a superpower by working WITH my brain, instead of against it. (And it explains why I've been a serial entrepreneur and work best at startups, vs. established lifeless corporations, etc.)
NOT HELPFUL: Same as Chris... Telling me to focus, just work harder, wake up earlier, etc.
A turning point for me was recognizing that I wasn’t receiving a lot of return on the effort I was putting into my work. Of course, I was paid. Yes, I helped others (very one-sided). And yes, there was always ten more things to pick up once you wrapped one up.
So I started putting more into the things that did give back. Taking walks, sitting (doing nothing) in the sun on a nice day, preparing slow meals. My actual output isn’t much less, but I’m less invested in it. Most of it didn’t matter - not really.
I think what I’m curious about is if there’s something actually wrong with that. I’ve been setting and achieving goals for so long. I kind of just want to be.
YES. I have developed debilitating chronic illness in the last few years, and while obviously it's miserable, it's also one of the best things that ever happened to me. The forced change in mindset to truly just appreciating sitting in the sun and feeling like I have it all instead of my goals being all about productivity is.. magical. 💖
Worst advice isn't what kind of advice its how its given. I rebel against advice that's given as "you should" or 'need to' or 'must'. I don't want people to tell me what to do.
I want advice to tell me what kinds of tools I could put into my (virtual) box or try out to see if they work for me. I want to see what works for others and try it out for myself. I want to be treated as an intelligent individual who has enough brains to figure stuff out for myself once I have enough information.
Sometimes I just want to know where to find more reliable information. I want to trust my sources.
Agreed! I find anything delivered with a should provokes a response in me of “stop ‘shoulding’ all over me” - occasionally I will say that out loud causing people to do a double take as I generally don’t use swear words and if they aren’t listening carefully they think I just did. So I’ve marked “should” as a swear word in my vocabulary now too.
Best advice: know thyself. Doesn’t matter what works for others unless they share similar traits. I will never be a morning person. I rebel against structure. So why not find what works for me instead of fitting into the box of someone who thrives on discipline?