"There’s no one life script for everyone": A conversation with Sari Botton

It's time for a new interview! Today we talk with SARI BOTTON, author of the memoir "And You May Find Yourself..."

I wanted to do a series of interviews, and I wanted to do them differently than what you see elsewhere. Let me know what you think—we’ll continue to experiment and evolve along the way. 🙏

Our Second Interview! Introducing Sari Botton

Sari Botton

is a bestselling author, editor, and teacher with decades of experience. I’ve been reading her popular Substack publication

Oldster Magazine

, an exploration of getting older where she publishes personal essays and questionnaires for thousands of paid subscribers.

It’s not only the content I appreciate: I also respect Sari’s commitment to publishing frequently and planning her editorial calendar like a magazine. In an interview about her process, she said:

Most weeks I publish three times: personal essays on Mondays, Oldster Magazine Questionnaires on Wednesdays, and alternating blog posts by me on Fridays — link roundups every other week and open threads every other week. On the second Thursday of each month, I also have an essay by Laurie Stone in a series called “Notes On Another New Life,” and on the third Tuesday of each month, I have a Q&A called “Ask a Sober Oldster” that’s a collaboration with A.J. Daulerio’s The Small Bow, “A Newsletter About Sobriety for Everyone,” that’s also very much about mental health, and being human.

There’s some great advice in that interview on how to plan for a long-running newsletter. But since that’s not the topic of this profile, let’s keep going.

Naturally, publishing

Oldster Magazine

isn’t the only thing Sari does. Here are a few other highlights from her bio:

Sari Botton's memoir in essays, And You May Find Yourself...Confessions of a Late-Blooming Gen-X Weirdo, was chosen by Poets & Writers magazine for the 2022 edition of its annual "5 Over 50" feature. An essay from it received notable mention in The Best American Essays 2023, edited by Vivian Gornick. For five years, she was the Essays Editor at Longreads. She edited the bestselling anthologies Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York and Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York. She publishes Oldster Magazine, Memoir Land, and Adventures in Journalism. She was the Writer in Residence in the creative writing department at SUNY New Paltz for Spring, 2023.

Okay, that’s enough intro—and since this is

🌻 A Year of Mental Health

, I’m interested in how people think about wellbeing in general.

So let’s have some questions and answers with Sari!

Qs & As with Sari

• What does mental health and wellbeing mean to you?

My current definition is an ability to manage and regulate my emotions. I am naturally prone toward depression and anxiety, and at 58, it occurs to me that’s not something in me that can be “fixed.” It’s something I’ll always live with, that will always worsen in the darker seasons. The best I can do is be aware of my emotional weather patterns, be present with them, tend to them, and not let them lead me toward blind reactivity.

• What is your primary or most important message?

There’s no one life script that’s right for everyone. Figure out who you are, even if it’s not who the culture or people in your family want you to be, and then live in that truth, without harming others to the best of your ability. Let the truth of who you are guide you to the life that makes sense for you—adjusting along the way, of course, as life changes you and the world around you.

This pertains to every aspect of living your life, including your choices with regard to your chronological age, and the expectations society associates with it. You can “do you” on a different timeline than you’ve been told to. It’s very liberating once you realize that.

• What’s something contrarian or highly unusual that you passionately believe?

We can try to bring order from chaos—and that is a noble and important thing to try!—but in this life, chaos is the norm. There is only so much you can do, individually, in your lifetime, to turn the tide, or to keep the tide from turning back the other way.

Which is why, unfortunately, we keep seeing so much progress being reversed. I absolutely hate it. But I believe it’s a law of nature that humanity eventually unlearns everything, and needs to relearn it over and over again.

---

Sari’s Audio Recording 🎙️

Brief side note: I’m asking our interviewees to make a short audio recording in addition to the written questions. This isn’t a long podcast interview, it’s just one minute long—so you don’t want to skip it. Here’s the one from Sari! ⬇️

Okay, back to some more Qs and recommendations!

• What’s difficult for you right now? What are you struggling with? 

I keep failing to learn to have boundaries and say no to things that either don’t appeal to me or that I just don’t have time for. It has left me overloaded with too many obligations that don’t serve me. I’m tired, anxious, resentful (mostly at myself) and short on time for the things I enjoy. 

• What is a simple thing (or 2-3 simple things) we can do to be better?

Really listen to people. Slow down and hear what they are saying about who they are and what matters to them. Reciprocate when people show you kindness, and do it soon after, before you forget. Stand up for those with less power, and help them be heard on their own terms.

• Lastly, what are a few things you’d like to recommend to our community?  

Severance on Apple TV is one of my favorite shows. I’ve watched Season 1 three times, and my husband has watched it four. I can’t wait for Season 2.

We also just rewatched Friday Night Lights for the third time since it first aired, and it (mostly) holds up. It was our recent “comfort watch,” a habit that started during the pandemic. We need to always have one old saga with lots of episodes that we can binge to get us through these scary times.

Lastly: Gluten-free non-alcoholic beer from Kit NA. It’s so delicious!

Big Thanks to Sari!

I really appreciate Sari joining us for this new series.

Be sure to check out the book And You May Find Yourself... (Yes, the title ends with an ellipsis. Another bold move I respect.)

Let me know if you were able to read the interview! More of them are in the works, so be sure you’re subscribed—and stay tuned. 🙏

See also:

"Wellbeing is about capacity": A Conversation with Emma Gannon