“The struggle is real. The struggle is daily. The struggle is endless.” 🙋🏼♀️ I spent 4 years wearing Invisalign. I finally finished in 2021 and got my permanent retainer. I religiously wore it every night. I would even forego staying over at a friend’s if I didn’t have my retainer with me. I didn’t want to undo all the years of work. And then in August, while in flight to Brazil, I unknowingly threw it in the trash in the early morning hours before landing. I discovered when I went to bed that night and my case was empty. It’s been 6 months and I haven’t gone back to the orthodontist to get a new one. Something that should be so simple and yet, for me, it’s a painstaking task. And do I go to bed every night with anxiety that my teeth are shifting? Yes. Have I done anything about it? No.
I felt represented by your words. I feel unseen and misunderstood by most, judged by many, never reaching others expectations, or mine. Deep into impostor's syndrome (despite having a PhD, postdoc at Yale, other impressive credentials in US and Brazil). I've spent a lot of money on books, workshops, and all...only to find out little has changed in my luxury hotel. What next?
All my life (54M ADHD) I've had the impression that I have had to apply myself/work (at least) 2 or 3 times harder than the person next to me to obtain similar results. Talking to me you'd think I am an articulate, carefree individual who has accomplished some success in the business/work areas of my life without much effort - this couldn't be further from the truth (I mask well)
TBH: I revel in the difficulty, and have repivoted from professional services (tax advisory/teaching) to personal services (gardening) and I could not be happier.
Do I work hard? Yes. Go harder than others, probably, and you know what I am up for it!
Some of us are born to walk up hill, both literally and figuratively.
I do hold myself up to quite high standards (& others) which has alienated friends/lovers/co workers et al.
Emotionally, I am detuned which can be challenging for others.
I am v curious by nature and am working on this currently, life long process I imagine, with the outcome hazy (may be thats the point).
Stay well out there & best wishes from the land down under!
This has been me my whole life. I love the analogy. At least learning a couple of years ago that it is ADHD and not stupidity or laziness has helped how I feel about it - but to me, having the label is useful when it helps me identify ways to solve the problem. That is proving elusive - so I'm keen to hear your experiences. I want to get more done: do the little things more efficiently so I can spend more time on the big things. But then not get overwhelmed by the big things and not do anything.
OMG this analogy fits me to a T! Things look great from the outside, but I struggle to get basic things done. I can intellectualize all the well meaning advice and common sense ways to handle anxiety and avoidance, but nothing changes. I’ll be very curious to see what solutions you and your readers come up with. Maybe something will finally strike a chord!
What an epic analogy for Internal Family Systems — consciousness as a hotel without great leadership or a culture of excellence.
Some of us, whether through biology, traumatic experiences, or both, just don’t inherit well-functioning hotels!
The effort to develop our inner “staff” of parts is so worth it. Even though that development can be a lifelong process, the more I heal my parts, the more I slowly, but surely find myself more and more capable of doing things I wasn’t capable of doing even last year.
Whether it’s walking away from binging on toffee over Christmas, or getting my taxes done with greater ease, it’s such a relief to have more and more of my executive functions come online.
This was all very relatable. Thank you for the vulnerability in sharing. I think being “high functioning” is why I was late-diagnosed. I had the appearance of the luxury hotel, but with spotty service. It’s helpful to understand how ADHD is likely contributing to my “service issues”, but I haven’t yet figured out all the ways to work WITH my brain and not against it.
I’ve struggled with this as well. I think part of the issue is the lack of slack in people’s lives today - project managers know that building in slack can save a project. When you have a slack time you ask yourself what needs doing and those pesky little problems that take time have room to take place.. The second thing is to couple those things you dislike doing with more pleasurable things - I sort my photos, which I enjoy, while on hold or waiting somewhere. Sometimes I paint with watercolours while sorting out a bureaucratic problem on the phone and it allows me to be serene and even disappointed when the issue is resolved.
This is such a comforting read for me as someone with ADHD who struggles with all of this so badly on a daily basis. It’s especially difficult to have hope and be kind to myself when I’m spending so much time around people who also have ADHD but are able to use it to be exceedingly productive and successful in so many areas. Thank you for writing this, I’m sure it’s not easy to put out into the world but it’s made me feel much less alone.
I have to say this newsletter was the first one I read on Substack. This morning you showed up in my inbox before any senders that started with a number because of ✏️. I don't know how you did it but I love it because this was exactly what I needed to read right now! I'm glad it popped up before my other 67 unread emails. Keep up the great work.
Chris - Thanks as always for your introspection and courage. I send good energy your way to help give you strength. Your post makes me think of my own struggles, similar but different. I particularly related when you said something along the lines of acceptance is important but I also don't want to give up. Their is a definite difference b/w acceptance and resignation. Maybe acceptance is the answer. Acceptance of the imperfect way you approach life and acceptance of your desire to do things better. This may take being fully alive and loving life, rather than loving yourself. All the best - Matt in New Hampshire
How did you know how my mind works so well? It really is great to hear that I am not alone in doing very well in some areas and failing to do what I know I want and must do at the same time. Please compile publish a concise list of what you have learned about overcoming this! I will be forever in your debt. John Shattuck
'Guilt and shame... ' brought tears I've done/do/function pretty well in most areas yet when I read your articles on executive dysfunction it was like getting a diagnosis (correct) and all the pieces fall in place. The angst; oh so real.
The weight (shame and guilt) has been been lightened by the understanding (diagnosis) and I believe that more often I will be 'functional' atleast when I am ok overall. Nothing like a correct diagnosis to open new pathways to health or 'good enough :) ' so as not to carry Guilt and shame.
Oh, this is so familiar. Thank you for spelling it out so clearly. I haven’t sought a diagnosis for my executive dysfunction issues — some of it is undoubtedly long-standing depression mostly but not completely controlled with meds and CBT — but boy it sounds like there’s some element of ADHD to what’s going on in my brain. The analogy is great.
“The struggle is real. The struggle is daily. The struggle is endless.” 🙋🏼♀️ I spent 4 years wearing Invisalign. I finally finished in 2021 and got my permanent retainer. I religiously wore it every night. I would even forego staying over at a friend’s if I didn’t have my retainer with me. I didn’t want to undo all the years of work. And then in August, while in flight to Brazil, I unknowingly threw it in the trash in the early morning hours before landing. I discovered when I went to bed that night and my case was empty. It’s been 6 months and I haven’t gone back to the orthodontist to get a new one. Something that should be so simple and yet, for me, it’s a painstaking task. And do I go to bed every night with anxiety that my teeth are shifting? Yes. Have I done anything about it? No.
Great analogy!
I felt represented by your words. I feel unseen and misunderstood by most, judged by many, never reaching others expectations, or mine. Deep into impostor's syndrome (despite having a PhD, postdoc at Yale, other impressive credentials in US and Brazil). I've spent a lot of money on books, workshops, and all...only to find out little has changed in my luxury hotel. What next?
All my life (54M ADHD) I've had the impression that I have had to apply myself/work (at least) 2 or 3 times harder than the person next to me to obtain similar results. Talking to me you'd think I am an articulate, carefree individual who has accomplished some success in the business/work areas of my life without much effort - this couldn't be further from the truth (I mask well)
TBH: I revel in the difficulty, and have repivoted from professional services (tax advisory/teaching) to personal services (gardening) and I could not be happier.
Do I work hard? Yes. Go harder than others, probably, and you know what I am up for it!
Some of us are born to walk up hill, both literally and figuratively.
I do hold myself up to quite high standards (& others) which has alienated friends/lovers/co workers et al.
Emotionally, I am detuned which can be challenging for others.
I am v curious by nature and am working on this currently, life long process I imagine, with the outcome hazy (may be thats the point).
Stay well out there & best wishes from the land down under!
This has been me my whole life. I love the analogy. At least learning a couple of years ago that it is ADHD and not stupidity or laziness has helped how I feel about it - but to me, having the label is useful when it helps me identify ways to solve the problem. That is proving elusive - so I'm keen to hear your experiences. I want to get more done: do the little things more efficiently so I can spend more time on the big things. But then not get overwhelmed by the big things and not do anything.
OMG this analogy fits me to a T! Things look great from the outside, but I struggle to get basic things done. I can intellectualize all the well meaning advice and common sense ways to handle anxiety and avoidance, but nothing changes. I’ll be very curious to see what solutions you and your readers come up with. Maybe something will finally strike a chord!
What an epic analogy for Internal Family Systems — consciousness as a hotel without great leadership or a culture of excellence.
Some of us, whether through biology, traumatic experiences, or both, just don’t inherit well-functioning hotels!
The effort to develop our inner “staff” of parts is so worth it. Even though that development can be a lifelong process, the more I heal my parts, the more I slowly, but surely find myself more and more capable of doing things I wasn’t capable of doing even last year.
Whether it’s walking away from binging on toffee over Christmas, or getting my taxes done with greater ease, it’s such a relief to have more and more of my executive functions come online.
The struggle is real, but the effort is worth it!
This was all very relatable. Thank you for the vulnerability in sharing. I think being “high functioning” is why I was late-diagnosed. I had the appearance of the luxury hotel, but with spotty service. It’s helpful to understand how ADHD is likely contributing to my “service issues”, but I haven’t yet figured out all the ways to work WITH my brain and not against it.
Same. I was officially diagnose at 60. Still working out what works and what doesn't work with my brain. Old dogs can learn new tricks.
I’ve struggled with this as well. I think part of the issue is the lack of slack in people’s lives today - project managers know that building in slack can save a project. When you have a slack time you ask yourself what needs doing and those pesky little problems that take time have room to take place.. The second thing is to couple those things you dislike doing with more pleasurable things - I sort my photos, which I enjoy, while on hold or waiting somewhere. Sometimes I paint with watercolours while sorting out a bureaucratic problem on the phone and it allows me to be serene and even disappointed when the issue is resolved.
This is such a comforting read for me as someone with ADHD who struggles with all of this so badly on a daily basis. It’s especially difficult to have hope and be kind to myself when I’m spending so much time around people who also have ADHD but are able to use it to be exceedingly productive and successful in so many areas. Thank you for writing this, I’m sure it’s not easy to put out into the world but it’s made me feel much less alone.
I have to say this newsletter was the first one I read on Substack. This morning you showed up in my inbox before any senders that started with a number because of ✏️. I don't know how you did it but I love it because this was exactly what I needed to read right now! I'm glad it popped up before my other 67 unread emails. Keep up the great work.
Chris - Thanks as always for your introspection and courage. I send good energy your way to help give you strength. Your post makes me think of my own struggles, similar but different. I particularly related when you said something along the lines of acceptance is important but I also don't want to give up. Their is a definite difference b/w acceptance and resignation. Maybe acceptance is the answer. Acceptance of the imperfect way you approach life and acceptance of your desire to do things better. This may take being fully alive and loving life, rather than loving yourself. All the best - Matt in New Hampshire
How did you know how my mind works so well? It really is great to hear that I am not alone in doing very well in some areas and failing to do what I know I want and must do at the same time. Please compile publish a concise list of what you have learned about overcoming this! I will be forever in your debt. John Shattuck
'Guilt and shame... ' brought tears I've done/do/function pretty well in most areas yet when I read your articles on executive dysfunction it was like getting a diagnosis (correct) and all the pieces fall in place. The angst; oh so real.
The weight (shame and guilt) has been been lightened by the understanding (diagnosis) and I believe that more often I will be 'functional' atleast when I am ok overall. Nothing like a correct diagnosis to open new pathways to health or 'good enough :) ' so as not to carry Guilt and shame.
Thank you Chris
Like really really
Oh, this is so familiar. Thank you for spelling it out so clearly. I haven’t sought a diagnosis for my executive dysfunction issues — some of it is undoubtedly long-standing depression mostly but not completely controlled with meds and CBT — but boy it sounds like there’s some element of ADHD to what’s going on in my brain. The analogy is great.
Chris, you are bringing a lot (A LOT) to the table. Could you somehow outsource the tasks you are blocked from completing?
Were you in India? These sound like high-end Indian hospitality experiences (especially the QR code feedback!)