A Short List of Things I Never Learned to Do

*And why some of them are worth learning.

Not sure what I’d use most of these things for, but I’m an expert in coffee cups. 📷

Long ago I wrote a post about my lack of qualifications, featuring some of the many things I never learned to do. 

As a high-school dropout, I missed out on some key skills. I also spent at least two of my teenage years in treatment centers for troubled youth, and my early employment history did not reflect a great deal of attention to detail: 

I wasn’t especially dedicated to my first part-time job as a 14-year-old dishwasher. Whenever I received a pot that was especially difficult to clean, I walked outside and threw it in the dumpster. This strategy worked well until the restaurant ran out of pots. The owner and I had a discussion, and it was agreed I should find another means of employment.

A comprehensive list of things I never learned to do would include items such as: 

• Anything to do with maintenance or repairs (including assembling furniture, even the “easy” kinds) 

• Related: lots of tasks involving abstract thinking, problem-solving, and most things associated with puzzles (I like puzzles, I’m just terrible at them)

• Algebra, geometry calculus, or any other higher math, as discussed here. Just not good at it at all! No matter what I tried, including test prep courses, remedial courses, and different styles of learning. (Note: Every time I mention dyscalculia, I get emails from people who say it’s not a real thing. But it is!) 

Action footage of me putting together a simple bookcase. Don’t worry, I’ll never try it again.

I don’t mean to be flippant about this. Even though I lacked all of these skills and more, clearly I was good at other things. And in fact, I wouldn’t trade the things I’m good at for the things I’m not. Leveraging your strengths is key! Balanced people don’t change the world. 

But over the past few years, I’ve come to understand that while I can get by just fine without knowing how to assemble furniture, other skills have been important for me to learn. 

That’s one of the reasons I stuck with therapy after going for the first time during an especially dark season. I needed to understand what to do when I felt anxious, and how to manage extended periods of sadness and depression. 

I had to learn that I wasn’t responsible for other people’s behavior, or what other people thought of me.  

I had to learn about executive functions, including a better way to use hyperfocus for creative work, and how to respond to my inherent drive to procrastinate on important tasks. 

The list goes on, and it wasn’t only “going to therapy” that helped. That was an important step, but so was learning on my own. So was taking medication.

And perhaps a prerequisite to all of that was merely being open to learning, as opposed to saying “I don’t know about these things and I don’t need to know.”

What should we take from this? I guess the first thing is: it’s never too late to learn! 

But also, maybe it’s a good reminder that other people lack skills, too. If someone disappoints or hurts you, maybe it says more about them than it does about you.

This doesn’t excuse bad behavior, of course. And you don’t want to repeatedly put yourself in situations where you know you’ll be hurt. 

But if your improved self-insight comes with more empathy for other people, perhaps that’s a good side benefit to acquire along the way. 

What are some things you’ve never learned to do?