I always had that voice in my head, constantly critical of whatever I was doing. Then in 2012 I had a major hemorrhagic stroke which left my right side unresponsive. It was shocking and traumatic. But as I was recovering (slowly and incompletely) I realized that voice was gone. There was just quiet inside my head (I also had aphasia, and am not sure if there's a connection, but it sure seems possible). It was actually a huge relief. After 2-3 years the voice started coming back, but it was different--it wasn't critical, but more like a cheerleader. "You can do it!" "It's okay, we'll try again tomorrow!" What a difference! And now, 12 years later, I have recovered far beyond what the doctors predicted. Yes, I'm still in a wheelchair, but I'm nearly self-sufficient, I work out twice a week, and I'm about to be a grandmother. The difference between the old negative self-talk and the new positive self-talk is so enormous it's hard to describe. And I hope to be able to teach my new grandchild to do it, because it's made such a difference in my life, and I think how great it would be to have known this as a child.
Being able to add truth to the story, I think, is crucial to getting through some times in our lives. Two months ago I was an executive at an ecommerce company. Today, thanks to bipolar disorder, I'm unemployed, homeless, and filing for bankruptcy. AND... I have started from nothing twice before and have been successful, and I know I can do it again this time.
This is great. I would like to add that there are times of day when the "other voice" might be silent. For example, an hour before needing to go to bed! A simple rule could be to tell yourself not to listen to trust your inner monologue before bed. Put that inner monologue to bed, and sure enough the next day while you might still have the inner monologue previous thoughts, your "other voice" might reappear to shine a different perspective.
This happened to me recently! I went to bed doing my best not to listen to that critical voice (which was super tough that night) but the next morning I was able to counteract it with my “other voice” and felt much better about my situation! So this article is quite timely! 😄
Chris, your opening line “For a long time I thought everyone had a self-critical narrator in their head, constantly reminding them of all sorts of failures and inadequacies. And then for a while, I thought I was the only one.” Thank you, I never thought others felt this, it is amazing to know I am not the only one.
This sounds like an additional method for rewiring the neural circuitry.
Lately I've been judging myself because my running hasn't been going consistently or well. I haven't been able to stick to my training programs. I've cancelled races or switched to shorter distances. For example I signed up for the March 9, 2025, EDP Lisbon half marathon last Fall and recently requested to transfer my half marathon registration to the Vodafone 10k.
The new voice is that I successfully trained for and qualified for the Boston Marathon at the St George Marathon @ age 45. I'm nothing if not tenacious.
So I'll go and enjoy the run in Lisbon and keep at it.
I definitely have the inner critical voice. I can be really hard on myself when I "mess up" and that voice decides to compound every instance of "messing up", ever. I'm working to listen to that voice, letting it blow off some frustration steam, and then interjecting with evidence of how things have gone well or turned out smoothly. My inner critic likes to think it is an all-or-nothing game and it's not. I'm trying to have grace for my mistakes. They don't define my character.
What I've learned, through loads of therapy, is that it helps to acknowledge the inner voice, "thank you for bringing that up and reminding me", then locating where I feel it in my body, and move on. Takes practice, but it also helps to make peace with it.
This really captures the challenge of an overactive inner monologue. The strategies for creating mental space are so helpful—learning to quiet the noise can make a huge difference!
Repetition, repetition, repetition of positive thoughts along with acknowledging the critical self is the first step. Awareness! Practicing thinking different works. Then at some point it is necessary to deal with the deeper issues of where this critical self comes from as some thoughts and experiences live deep inside of us and will haunt us later in life. The body knows often before we do. So we also need to heal from the inside out.
The hardest part, which I believe is also a fairly common trait for neurodivergent folks, is that memory can be very affected by the executive dysfunction, so *remembering* the good is also a part that needs to be strengthened. Personally, I find journalling helped me in that regard, though when I'm struggling, I also like to keep a separate list of things that I'm proud of, and counter-evidence to the voices in my head. Nothing like a sleepless night when the brain wants to go through everything you've ever done that embarrassed you.
I always had that voice in my head, constantly critical of whatever I was doing. Then in 2012 I had a major hemorrhagic stroke which left my right side unresponsive. It was shocking and traumatic. But as I was recovering (slowly and incompletely) I realized that voice was gone. There was just quiet inside my head (I also had aphasia, and am not sure if there's a connection, but it sure seems possible). It was actually a huge relief. After 2-3 years the voice started coming back, but it was different--it wasn't critical, but more like a cheerleader. "You can do it!" "It's okay, we'll try again tomorrow!" What a difference! And now, 12 years later, I have recovered far beyond what the doctors predicted. Yes, I'm still in a wheelchair, but I'm nearly self-sufficient, I work out twice a week, and I'm about to be a grandmother. The difference between the old negative self-talk and the new positive self-talk is so enormous it's hard to describe. And I hope to be able to teach my new grandchild to do it, because it's made such a difference in my life, and I think how great it would be to have known this as a child.
Continued blessings on your ever evolving journey of healing and self love. Your post was beautiful…you are beautifully resilient 🙏🏻
Being able to add truth to the story, I think, is crucial to getting through some times in our lives. Two months ago I was an executive at an ecommerce company. Today, thanks to bipolar disorder, I'm unemployed, homeless, and filing for bankruptcy. AND... I have started from nothing twice before and have been successful, and I know I can do it again this time.
This is great. I would like to add that there are times of day when the "other voice" might be silent. For example, an hour before needing to go to bed! A simple rule could be to tell yourself not to listen to trust your inner monologue before bed. Put that inner monologue to bed, and sure enough the next day while you might still have the inner monologue previous thoughts, your "other voice" might reappear to shine a different perspective.
This happened to me recently! I went to bed doing my best not to listen to that critical voice (which was super tough that night) but the next morning I was able to counteract it with my “other voice” and felt much better about my situation! So this article is quite timely! 😄
Chris, your opening line “For a long time I thought everyone had a self-critical narrator in their head, constantly reminding them of all sorts of failures and inadequacies. And then for a while, I thought I was the only one.” Thank you, I never thought others felt this, it is amazing to know I am not the only one.
This sounds like an additional method for rewiring the neural circuitry.
Lately I've been judging myself because my running hasn't been going consistently or well. I haven't been able to stick to my training programs. I've cancelled races or switched to shorter distances. For example I signed up for the March 9, 2025, EDP Lisbon half marathon last Fall and recently requested to transfer my half marathon registration to the Vodafone 10k.
The new voice is that I successfully trained for and qualified for the Boston Marathon at the St George Marathon @ age 45. I'm nothing if not tenacious.
So I'll go and enjoy the run in Lisbon and keep at it.
I definitely have the inner critical voice. I can be really hard on myself when I "mess up" and that voice decides to compound every instance of "messing up", ever. I'm working to listen to that voice, letting it blow off some frustration steam, and then interjecting with evidence of how things have gone well or turned out smoothly. My inner critic likes to think it is an all-or-nothing game and it's not. I'm trying to have grace for my mistakes. They don't define my character.
What I've learned, through loads of therapy, is that it helps to acknowledge the inner voice, "thank you for bringing that up and reminding me", then locating where I feel it in my body, and move on. Takes practice, but it also helps to make peace with it.
Exactly Chris; You have to be not only your #1 critic, but equally (or almost) be your #1 atta boy guy.
Yes. Also by reading out affirmations every morning I try to drown the critical voice with a strong affirmation renewing the sense of self
This really captures the challenge of an overactive inner monologue. The strategies for creating mental space are so helpful—learning to quiet the noise can make a huge difference!
Repetition, repetition, repetition of positive thoughts along with acknowledging the critical self is the first step. Awareness! Practicing thinking different works. Then at some point it is necessary to deal with the deeper issues of where this critical self comes from as some thoughts and experiences live deep inside of us and will haunt us later in life. The body knows often before we do. So we also need to heal from the inside out.
Meditation is great for this. It really helped me
The hardest part, which I believe is also a fairly common trait for neurodivergent folks, is that memory can be very affected by the executive dysfunction, so *remembering* the good is also a part that needs to be strengthened. Personally, I find journalling helped me in that regard, though when I'm struggling, I also like to keep a separate list of things that I'm proud of, and counter-evidence to the voices in my head. Nothing like a sleepless night when the brain wants to go through everything you've ever done that embarrassed you.
Love this. I certainly have an inner critic too. Thanks for offering a solution to combat the prosecution!
I so needed this reminder. Thank you Chris.
I relate to this so much. Thanks for the practical tips - definitely going to try them.