If You’re a Deep Thinker, You Might Not Be a Quick Thinker
When you remember what to say AFTER the conversation ends…
I don’t know about you, but I often think of exactly the right thing to say in a conversation about an hour after the conversation ends. Sometimes it’s ten minutes later, or sometimes it’s a whole day later, but either way the effect is the same.
This extended response time is especially common for me whenever it’s a conversation where the stakes feel high: a conflict of some kind, perhaps, or when I’m around a bunch of smart people and feel like I should have something to contribute.
I was recently in the second situation, in a room filled with smart people who all had quick-witted remarks and helpful commentary during a group discussion. I sat there and said almost nothing the whole time, even though the group was talking about topics that I know a good bit about. What was wrong with me?
That’s why, when I heard this statement recently, I felt both affirmed and understood:
“If you’re a deep thinker, you might not be a quick thinker.”
Sure, it would be nice to be both a quick thinker and a deep thinker, but now that I’ve thought about it (for a long time, haha) I can see that many of us tend to fall into one of the two groups. And I’m certainly not on the quick side of the divide!
Maybe it’s a core feature of being sensitive, and sensitivity is a gift—it’s not something you want to change or undo. Still, most positive traits come with tradeoffs, and this might be the natural companion to a tendency toward introspection. If you think deeply, you might not always think quickly.
The upside is that deep thinkers often bring thoughtful perspectives that cut through surface-level chatter—we might speak less frequently, but when we do, it tends to be worth hearing.
How do you feel about this idea? Are you more of a quick thinker or deep thinker? Take your time if you need. 🙂
Eight years ago I was publicly shamed in a way that had fabulously plausible deniability.
I was sitting at a table, talking to the most high status person in the room (which isn’t something I usually pay attention to, but in retrospect I think it was part of the dynamic).
I was minding my business, talking at a normal level, not saying anything incendiary— I was absolutely within normal social parameters.
Although now that I think about it, the conversation topic was about detox, so I was positioning myself as “healthy” person.
Out of complete nowhere, someone 12 people down the table yelled out with nervous-system shredding alarm, “Melissa! Are you okay???!”
This alerted the entire table that I was doing something wrong – and what exactly was I doing? I was putting salt on my food. That’s it. That’s what I was doing.
If I hadn’t been the target, I would be impressed by the genius, Machiavellian quick-mindedness of this person, who used a very minor act— putting salt on my food – to interrupt my conversation with someone else, draw attention to me, and make it seem like I was doing something wrong.
It took me eight years to understand why it bothered me so much.
My mind just wouldn’t let it go! I certainly didn’t have any good immediate response to this “salt assault,” but I knew I felt absolutely terrible afterwards.
In thinking about it on and off for eight years, I finally understood:
This person was probably triggered by jealousy about me talking to the highest status person in the room, and/or wanted to take me down a notch because I was claiming to be healthy, and when they saw me putting salt on my food, they used the outdated idea that salt is unhealthy as a basis for attacking me – with the plausible deniability that they were simply concerned about my health.
But if you are concerned about my health, you take me aside and you talk to me about privately, you don’t scream about it across a table in front of a dozen people!
So yeah— I know all about delayed responses!
Eight years is a long time to keep thinking about one small incident, but my mind will not let shit like this go.
I’m not necessarily always the quickest, but I am definitely one of the deepest!
I am patient, persistent and tenacious.
I will keep working on something until I get to the very bottom of it. I like that about myself.
Thanks for the validation, Chris!
I decided the next time something like this happens – which hopefully it never will – I will get up and go straight to the person who does it and take them aside and talk to them about why it’s inappropriate.
Toddlers scream across tables. Adults do not.
I enjoyed this. I am a deep thinker. I can be a smart aleck if I think too quickly. I try not to be.