Another way of articulating this concept is that you can choose which part of you does the task.
Your day-to-day “Self” as you experience it may not be who wants to do these tasks, particularly if you tend to live from a more protected place in your personality. In IFS language, often it may be a deeper “Self” who would be better suited to do it.
Learning how to move the parts of you that don’t want to do it out of the way, in order to free up the parts of you who can do it, is a great skill to have!
Of course, this is easier said than done, but the capacity to switch between parts is exactly what IFS teaches. So if it sounds good, and you wish you could do it, the solution is to learn IFS (Internal Family Systems). For me, it’s been the missing link between self-help advice and the capacity to actualize it.
I love this. Today I said, "I'm an actor playing the role of someone who delights in posting, no matter how people react." And I added, "I'm an actor who keeps her promises to herself." Thank you, Chris!
As a natural introvert self-expression didn’t come naturally to me. However, rather inexplicably, I remember doing Shakin’ Stevens impressions with a friend in the playground at school in the late seventies as a 6/7 year old. It was more an exercise in friendship and bonding but it won me the adulation of my peers. That’s how I switched to being an ambivert. Nevertheless I know I’m innately an introvert who knows how to act his way through the drama of fight/flight situations.
The trouble is method acting is not nearly as effective if you haven’t done the work. And by work I mean IFS (Internal Family Systems). I’ve gotten myself in hot nefarious water when my ego has hijacked my actor’s purpose. You need clarity of thought to outsource to an actor. The stakes were never higher for me than when I was in love. Love can muddy the waters of clear thought. Conflation of the ego and the actor might just get you a stretch!
I’ve recently embarked on my IFS journey. There is much work ahead but already the waters are less muddy.
This strategy takes A LOT of energy and can expose one to an incredible amount of stimulation. It is really important to offset the energy use and stimulation with intentional self care including rest, uncommitted time, and time to spend on preferred activities.
I spent decades depending on my inner actor without realizing or accounting for the costs. I am now well into my second year of autistic burnout, unable to take a job, sometimes unable to get out of bed or cook myself a meal. I’m getting better but I sure do wish I had given myself time to recuperate as I went along. Be careful out there!
As usual - great post! I loved acting in high school, and have done a little improve as an adult. I found it easy to be onstage and play my part in plays, and in improv, it was just that - improv. I just went with it - (I think having ADHD really helps with improv, t/b/h). Never considered outsourcing some of the more challenging parts of my life to "an actor" - somehow improv doesn't work as well when you're trying to have one of "those" conversations... I've always been a bit ambivalent about the whole, "acting as if" or "fake it till you make it" thing - but maybe I've just been missing the outsourcing it to an actor part of the equation...?
Brilliant. And very helpful to have the concept spelled out in this way. I’ve been doing this, but not consciously. Now that the approach has a name, I can step up and proceed with intention. Thank you.
I do this role playing a lot when I teach so I can get out of my head and focus on the material. It’s almost like I do become someone else for a bit and able to maintain that focus for an extended period of time (sometimes up to 3 hours!)
My first reaction to this strategy was to say that you choose to fake it. That it isn't an authentic way of behaving. But I _don't_ think you mean that we should be untrue to ourselves, whoever or whatever we imagine our "self" to be.
This approach only works for me if I'm "a _method_ actor performing a role". I have to become the person who delivers the intended result, before I can authentically deliver. Otherwise, I'd just be a fake, an unreal pretender. And delivering the result involves living the role, which in turn helps create the (aspect of) me who can deliver it.
And although I do know that "I am multitudes" - and very little like my previous selves of years gone by - there's some sense that all these different "me"s in time and space remain a part of the journey to becoming the "me-right-now-and-here" who remembers that journey. Along the way, the persons who went by the name that tonight's "I" now go by have performed some roles very different to what they had been expecting even a short time earlier. So, "I" have grown, and honestly don't know who "I" will be in a week's time. But I (the integrated multitude) still have many, many faces - what any person (including myself!) sees just depends on who is looking at me, and how they're looking.
As Shakespeare said, "all the world's a stage, and we are merely its players." And the ‘modern - quantum perspective - is:
“Life is a game and you’re the avatar”. And if you ponder on that and seek hope and inspiration, there’s a nice book called “Life is a game and here are the rules”
I find this idea useful. I have used it from time to time. But from my own experience, playing a role constantly can also lead to burnout. I left my consulting role because I felt that I could never be myself. And while I have learned some very useful skills, ultimately I have left that career entirely for one where I can be authentic and speak from my own voice. So I'm a bit conflicted on the topic... :) We all have different personas of course, but it's also important to not lose ourselves in them. Taking off the hat after the performance is over, indeed, and remembering that it was just a performance. Some people live their lives never taking the hat off.
While acting does not come "easy" to me I can see how this perspective shift can be supportive. Looking forward to trying it out the next time I'm in a typically not-so-desired situation!
I read once that given the choice, people would literally choose death over public speaking. I grew up in the era of “imagine everyone in the audience in their underwear.” I much prefer your idea. Outsourcing equals efficiency. But do your homework nonetheless.
Another way of articulating this concept is that you can choose which part of you does the task.
Your day-to-day “Self” as you experience it may not be who wants to do these tasks, particularly if you tend to live from a more protected place in your personality. In IFS language, often it may be a deeper “Self” who would be better suited to do it.
Learning how to move the parts of you that don’t want to do it out of the way, in order to free up the parts of you who can do it, is a great skill to have!
Of course, this is easier said than done, but the capacity to switch between parts is exactly what IFS teaches. So if it sounds good, and you wish you could do it, the solution is to learn IFS (Internal Family Systems). For me, it’s been the missing link between self-help advice and the capacity to actualize it.
Indeed, I highly recommed it to people as a way to work on positive disassociation and the like
I love this. Today I said, "I'm an actor playing the role of someone who delights in posting, no matter how people react." And I added, "I'm an actor who keeps her promises to herself." Thank you, Chris!
As a natural introvert self-expression didn’t come naturally to me. However, rather inexplicably, I remember doing Shakin’ Stevens impressions with a friend in the playground at school in the late seventies as a 6/7 year old. It was more an exercise in friendship and bonding but it won me the adulation of my peers. That’s how I switched to being an ambivert. Nevertheless I know I’m innately an introvert who knows how to act his way through the drama of fight/flight situations.
The trouble is method acting is not nearly as effective if you haven’t done the work. And by work I mean IFS (Internal Family Systems). I’ve gotten myself in hot nefarious water when my ego has hijacked my actor’s purpose. You need clarity of thought to outsource to an actor. The stakes were never higher for me than when I was in love. Love can muddy the waters of clear thought. Conflation of the ego and the actor might just get you a stretch!
I’ve recently embarked on my IFS journey. There is much work ahead but already the waters are less muddy.
Yeay to your IFS journey!!!
As Shakespeare said, "all the world's a stage, and we are merely its players."
This strategy takes A LOT of energy and can expose one to an incredible amount of stimulation. It is really important to offset the energy use and stimulation with intentional self care including rest, uncommitted time, and time to spend on preferred activities.
I spent decades depending on my inner actor without realizing or accounting for the costs. I am now well into my second year of autistic burnout, unable to take a job, sometimes unable to get out of bed or cook myself a meal. I’m getting better but I sure do wish I had given myself time to recuperate as I went along. Be careful out there!
As usual - great post! I loved acting in high school, and have done a little improve as an adult. I found it easy to be onstage and play my part in plays, and in improv, it was just that - improv. I just went with it - (I think having ADHD really helps with improv, t/b/h). Never considered outsourcing some of the more challenging parts of my life to "an actor" - somehow improv doesn't work as well when you're trying to have one of "those" conversations... I've always been a bit ambivalent about the whole, "acting as if" or "fake it till you make it" thing - but maybe I've just been missing the outsourcing it to an actor part of the equation...?
Brilliant. And very helpful to have the concept spelled out in this way. I’ve been doing this, but not consciously. Now that the approach has a name, I can step up and proceed with intention. Thank you.
Exactly.
Love that idea of being an actor, and definitely love the idea of not always having to be emotionally invested in whatever is in front of us.
I do this role playing a lot when I teach so I can get out of my head and focus on the material. It’s almost like I do become someone else for a bit and able to maintain that focus for an extended period of time (sometimes up to 3 hours!)
My first reaction to this strategy was to say that you choose to fake it. That it isn't an authentic way of behaving. But I _don't_ think you mean that we should be untrue to ourselves, whoever or whatever we imagine our "self" to be.
This approach only works for me if I'm "a _method_ actor performing a role". I have to become the person who delivers the intended result, before I can authentically deliver. Otherwise, I'd just be a fake, an unreal pretender. And delivering the result involves living the role, which in turn helps create the (aspect of) me who can deliver it.
And although I do know that "I am multitudes" - and very little like my previous selves of years gone by - there's some sense that all these different "me"s in time and space remain a part of the journey to becoming the "me-right-now-and-here" who remembers that journey. Along the way, the persons who went by the name that tonight's "I" now go by have performed some roles very different to what they had been expecting even a short time earlier. So, "I" have grown, and honestly don't know who "I" will be in a week's time. But I (the integrated multitude) still have many, many faces - what any person (including myself!) sees just depends on who is looking at me, and how they're looking.
As Shakespeare said, "all the world's a stage, and we are merely its players." And the ‘modern - quantum perspective - is:
“Life is a game and you’re the avatar”. And if you ponder on that and seek hope and inspiration, there’s a nice book called “Life is a game and here are the rules”
I find this idea useful. I have used it from time to time. But from my own experience, playing a role constantly can also lead to burnout. I left my consulting role because I felt that I could never be myself. And while I have learned some very useful skills, ultimately I have left that career entirely for one where I can be authentic and speak from my own voice. So I'm a bit conflicted on the topic... :) We all have different personas of course, but it's also important to not lose ourselves in them. Taking off the hat after the performance is over, indeed, and remembering that it was just a performance. Some people live their lives never taking the hat off.
While acting does not come "easy" to me I can see how this perspective shift can be supportive. Looking forward to trying it out the next time I'm in a typically not-so-desired situation!
Wondering if an actual "actor hat" would help ground me in the role. I do tend to be very... distractable.
I read once that given the choice, people would literally choose death over public speaking. I grew up in the era of “imagine everyone in the audience in their underwear.” I much prefer your idea. Outsourcing equals efficiency. But do your homework nonetheless.