Develop Your Dominant Questions
"Did today matter?" and other questions to guide your daily process.
Greetings! While I’m editing my new book manuscript, I thought I’d share a few popular posts from my main blog, The Art of Non-Conformity. I’ve been writing there since 2008.
The latest post in this series is about developing your dominant questions. Please like and share if you enjoy it. 💚
One time, Will Smith was working on a film set in Toronto. It was the middle of winter and they were shooting night scenes, so the actors and crew worked 6pm to 6am. Brrr! 🥶
During breaks, Smith could have huddled in his trailer, complaining about the bitter cold. Instead, he ran around making jokes and delivering hot chocolate to crew members. He acted on a question that he later explained is constantly on his mind: “How can I make this experience more magical?“
Working in the cold sucks, but the job had to be done. Rather than complain about it, and rather than just endure it, Smith set out to make the experience better (or “more magical”) for everyone else.
That question—How can I make this experience more magical?—is an example of a dominant question, otherwise known as a question that guides your decision-making process.
We all have dominant questions, whether we’re consciously aware of them or not.
Do you know your dominant questions?
In my case, I spend a lot of time having conversations with myself or otherwise being lost in thought. After hearing the anecdote about Will Smith, I started thinking about my dominant questions.
It turns out they’re pretty easy to categorize as positive or negative. Let’s start with the negative ones:
Why am I continuing to struggle?
Why can’t I get my act together?
Why is [this thing I’m doing] not working as well as I’d like?
Why is my perceived social status lower than I think it should be?
The problem with these questions should be obvious: they reflect a sense of frustration, fixation on ego, and low self-worth.
By contrast, here are the positive ones:
How can I make the best use of this day?
How would I like to feel today?
What can I do to be helpful?
What should I do next?
My favorite is the first: How can I make the best use of this day? It reminds me of Did Today Matter?, another question I ask myself, typically in the evening as I wind down.
Asking this question has less built-in ego attachment while still allowing me to be myself without judgment.
The question “How can I make the best use of this day?” incorporates the limitations and constraints that any particular day comes with. It suggests that I consider a wide range of possibilities, along with the limitations and constraints, and come up with the best possible answer.
What can I do today? How am I able to use the time I have right now to the best of my ability—ignoring (as much as possible) the myriad of problems that are beyond my influence?
When I find myself feeling sad or discouraged, I try to think more about this question.
Do you know your dominant questions? What would you like them to be?
*I first heard the story about Will Smith in the audio version of Limitless, a book by Jim Kwik.
“What am I grateful for?” “How can I make the world a better place tonight than it was this morning?” As you said - questions like “What the hell is wrong with me???” provide limitless answers, none of them productive or empowering. I wear tee shirts a lot, and I do my best to select ones that speak my values and uplift others: “More Pride, Less Prejudice “ with a likeness of Jane Austen wearing rainbow glasses. “Dear person behind me, the world is a better place because you are in it. Love, the person in front of you” (printed on the back of the shirt), “Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you - it’s not pie”, and “= > •/•”. I also have one that’s less for others and more for me on “those” days : “Don’t be realistic at me - it’s not the day for it”
For the gratitude piece, I write down 5 things every morning and evening- some days it’s deep and meaningful, some days it’s more like - “I didn’t break any bones” or “I didn’t get a speeding ticket”. There’s always something g - even on the suckiest of days.
I like asking myself "how could this be easy / simple / fun?" Forces my brain to seek creative solutions!