Congratulations On Your New Life

A different way to think about breakups, job losses, and other opportunities.

Over the past two weeks, I’ve been editing a book manuscript and sharing a few popular posts from my main blog, The Art of Non-Conformity. I’ve been writing there since 2008. 

The last post in this series is about reframing our response to perceived hardship. Please like and share if you enjoy it. I’ll be back on Monday with all-new posts for the weeks! 💚

Long ago, perhaps on my first book tour or at some other early event, I took a risk in a public conversation. It was during an audience Q&A, and someone began their question by mentioning that they’d recently lost their job.

In these situations, most of the time the other person will offer their condolences. But I had a sense that something else was better, so I went for it.

“Congratulations!” I told them. “That’s great.”

Ever since then, some version of this interaction has repeated itself many times over. I’ve taken the risk of wishing someone congratulations on their unexpected change in job status.

I know, it might sound like a terribly insensitive response, but I assure you that nearly every time I receive the same reaction: Thank you for saying that.

Sometimes the person is also a little surprised, because they’re so used to hearing, “Oh, I’m sorry. That must be so hard.”

The fact is that much of the time, they’re glad to be out of that job. Either they knew it wasn’t right for them and just couldn’t bring themselves to make a change, or they realize later that the hardship was a blessing in disguise.

The response—“Congratulations!”—can also apply to someone going through a breakup. Again, it might sound heartless, but sorrow is only one part of a separation.

Even if the breakup is painful, the outcome is the same: a set of plans is now rendered obsolete. You’ll need to start with a new set.

Over and over in these conversations, I’ve heard the same common stories.

It was a shock at first, but once I accepted it I realized it was exactly what I needed.

I was miserable in that situation; I just didn’t know it. 

It forced me to think about what I really wanted to do. 

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that losing your job or being rejected is easy or enjoyable. Change is hard, loss is real.

But that’s not really the point. In those situations, the event has already occurred. The job loss, the breakup, whatever it was—it has taken place.

That thing was something that happened TO you. Now you have to decide what you’re going to do.

And here’s what I’d suggest: if someone has decided on your behalf that there is no longer a job for you, or that you are no longer welcome in their life, they are doing you a tremendous favor. They are giving you the opportunity to stop living on autopilot and start making your own decisions.

If you find yourself in this situation, my suggestion is to see it for the gift it is. You’ve been fast-tracked, moved straight to the front of the line. You’re now ahead of countless other people who will make it there eventually, but only after having wasted far more time in the process.

You can also decide to take on this new life for yourself without any external motivation.

You don’t have to lose your job, fail at an important goal, or be rejected in a relationship to rewrite the patterns and habits of your life.

Maybe you’ve been thinking about a new life for a while, but feel stuck and unable to change. This is a common experience. The sense that’s holding you back is inertia, and the feeling that prevents you from constructing a new reality is fear.

That’s okay, though. What doesn’t kill you might make you stronger. It just won’t happen automatically.

So while I don’t wish you—or anyone—any hardship, I also know that it can sometimes bring us the boost we need. If that’s you… perhaps congratulations are in order!

Have you ever experienced an unexpected hardship and ended up being better off?