Very much looking forward to the second part of this. I definitely identify with the "bad with money" stigma and how paralyzing it has been throughout my life. Completely resonate with high resistance to things that are good for me. Thanks for putting this all in a very concise manner.
I've tried the Mo Money Day exercise...but get stuck at step one. I can never think of anything that I can provide that is income-generating, although I know that is most likely my own limiting beliefs.
I totally have this issue and it is deeper rooted than even just merely having emotional issues to it.
My mother sold "my services" off to my grandfather when I was 13. Some very horrible things happened to me during that week that I won't share with anyone, but one of the outcomes of this was to make sure I was never worth anything again - that I provided zero value to the point I couldn't be sold again. Money was wrong and evil and if I ended up homeless, I would be far better off than having to endure that again to make money.
That, of course, is survival brain and I get that. It doesn't serve me and I have to keep working against that because of the primal fear involved (that betrayal of trust and the lack of faith my own abilities). Much like what you are proposing in exposure therapy steps (open an account, sell one thing, so on and so on), it is vital to take small steps to open up to something new.
Because there are so many roots that dig deep into us all about money that has nothing to do with money.
While oft quoted “the best revenge is living well,” I believe the best way to live well is to exorcise your demons by writing —a book, a blog, a journal entry you show no one but God. Keep writing and you will find what makes you happy. You are already worthy of everything good because you are alive to claim it. Start claiming you’re good because everyone here is rooting for you. Infinite blessings to you.
Thank you for the kind words. I already tried that ten years ago and discovered that it was not worth proceeding due to somr sexual harassment from my editor provided by the publisher (now no longer in business).
As rough as it might sound, broken people break other people.
Since then, I've been very gunshy in sharing anything.
I have this theory that people (myself included), especially solopreneurs, have a number in their head that they’re able to make and that becomes their ceiling.
Once they approach that ceiling, they start self sabotaging in some way in order to not surpass it. But even getting close to the ceiling is hard because all of their ideas for how to make money is limited by what they perceive their ceiling to be. If it’s $200k for example, they’ll only take on projects that can make up to $200k. Projects that could making $500k won’t even be considered.
Curious if there’s truth to this idea of an income ceiling.
I have this thing with money, which people don't generally see as a problem, but it so is: I struggle to spend money.
Which, okay, makes sure I have savings, but not that I'm enjoying my life. I tend to get anxious by the idea that money = time, so I need to be deliberate of what I choose to buy. And by researching extensively, I make sure I never buy anything. The decision of choosing what's best is paralyzing. What if I buy this thing and it's actually bad? Or it gets on sale the very next day? Or a better version comes out next month?
This also applies to investments. I kept the whole of my savings in a check account for ages because I had been putting off on studying what was the best investment strategy... For three years. Anything would have been better than nothing for three years btw, but there I was, paralyzed.
I find the cancelling subscriptions to be similar to unsubscribing from email lists - in terms of it being people you know. Sometimes it is the act of having to call that blocks (we’re a digital age - why can’t it all be digital??) or it’s the act of having to reach out to an actual human. But when it’s someone I know, it adds a layer.
I had signed up for a free soundbath recently which turned out to be a free trial for a yoga/health based subscription. Someone I know and admire is part of this group, with someone else managing it. I don’t live in Dallas permanently anymore - so I have an “excuse” to get out of it. But for the past week I keep snoozing reminders to do so. And then it caused me to realize I do the same with email subscriptions that are connected to people I know and admire, but the content isn’t really for me. So instead of unsubscribing, I put it in an archived mailbox so I don’t have to look at it or send the unsubscribe with my name attached to it.
In terms of invoicing I finally recognized that I was waiting for the “appropriate convenient time” to do so. And when I realized there’s not really such a thing, I let myself off the hook and got better at sending invoices on time.
Your article and some of the comments definitely resonate with me. Money is such a struggle, but it’s so helpful to know it’s not just me that experiences this! Looking forward to part 2.
Money has been a struggle for me most of my life and even more embarrassing considering I work in Finance. Early on, one thing that helped when it came to money management was being minimalist and limiting the amount of "bills" to things that were absolutely necessary. Of course, circumstances change as you get older, but what has been a God-send is the development of technology like automatic bill pay, automatic deduction and investing to an investment account, and services like Acorn that allow me to save for Christmas without me noticing the money coming out. All that being said, money is still a struggle for me.
Money makes me anxious and I’ve been meaning to talk to financial planners and keep putting it off. I physically feel panicked that signing up for something will lead to a loss. Sometimes I can get myself to watch a webinar but not often.
Because my parents had a small business, I don’t feel hesitation about invoicing or making sure I get paid. It’s investing what do I effectively do with what I make that has me blocked. So stupid.
Wow! I'm literally typing this as I avoid invoicing. Mine are different reasons. Mostly a customer whose invoice is complicated to do, and often gets questioned even tho the work was done last quarter. But it's getting worse for me and I have to put a stop to it and get better at this. I don't know if I need to overcome fear or something else.
I'm really looking forward to the updated list. My struggles with money are a little odd, one step to the left of the usual things and so the usual answers don't always work. As goes my income so goes my mood. And so on.
I don't like feeling vulnerable so I do everything I can to be in a position of strength when it comes to my business. An ideal business model for me is pay up front and/pay as you go, up front. I work hard to offer exceptional work and have built a clientele from referrals. I care and am generous; but I can afford to be as I am not worrying about getting paid. Honestly, I could not handle the stress otherwise.
This topic fits me perfectly. I am bad with money. I don’t trust I have anything sellable to offer. I don’t fully understand the affiliate market if I don’t already have a blog. I’m not even sure I have what it takes to share my interests with anyone. I could go on, but I think I have made my point.
I self- identify (at a deep level) as being broke. I’ve started really paying attention to the narrative that plays in my brain - the “broke” factor plays into about 3/4 of my actions, (or inactions), decisions, and general outlook on my life…
Very much looking forward to the second part of this. I definitely identify with the "bad with money" stigma and how paralyzing it has been throughout my life. Completely resonate with high resistance to things that are good for me. Thanks for putting this all in a very concise manner.
I've tried the Mo Money Day exercise...but get stuck at step one. I can never think of anything that I can provide that is income-generating, although I know that is most likely my own limiting beliefs.
I totally have this issue and it is deeper rooted than even just merely having emotional issues to it.
My mother sold "my services" off to my grandfather when I was 13. Some very horrible things happened to me during that week that I won't share with anyone, but one of the outcomes of this was to make sure I was never worth anything again - that I provided zero value to the point I couldn't be sold again. Money was wrong and evil and if I ended up homeless, I would be far better off than having to endure that again to make money.
That, of course, is survival brain and I get that. It doesn't serve me and I have to keep working against that because of the primal fear involved (that betrayal of trust and the lack of faith my own abilities). Much like what you are proposing in exposure therapy steps (open an account, sell one thing, so on and so on), it is vital to take small steps to open up to something new.
Because there are so many roots that dig deep into us all about money that has nothing to do with money.
While oft quoted “the best revenge is living well,” I believe the best way to live well is to exorcise your demons by writing —a book, a blog, a journal entry you show no one but God. Keep writing and you will find what makes you happy. You are already worthy of everything good because you are alive to claim it. Start claiming you’re good because everyone here is rooting for you. Infinite blessings to you.
Thank you for the kind words. I already tried that ten years ago and discovered that it was not worth proceeding due to somr sexual harassment from my editor provided by the publisher (now no longer in business).
As rough as it might sound, broken people break other people.
Since then, I've been very gunshy in sharing anything.
I have this theory that people (myself included), especially solopreneurs, have a number in their head that they’re able to make and that becomes their ceiling.
Once they approach that ceiling, they start self sabotaging in some way in order to not surpass it. But even getting close to the ceiling is hard because all of their ideas for how to make money is limited by what they perceive their ceiling to be. If it’s $200k for example, they’ll only take on projects that can make up to $200k. Projects that could making $500k won’t even be considered.
Curious if there’s truth to this idea of an income ceiling.
I just started readin The. Big Leap which covers these self-imposed limits - they’re very prominent in my life…
I have this thing with money, which people don't generally see as a problem, but it so is: I struggle to spend money.
Which, okay, makes sure I have savings, but not that I'm enjoying my life. I tend to get anxious by the idea that money = time, so I need to be deliberate of what I choose to buy. And by researching extensively, I make sure I never buy anything. The decision of choosing what's best is paralyzing. What if I buy this thing and it's actually bad? Or it gets on sale the very next day? Or a better version comes out next month?
This also applies to investments. I kept the whole of my savings in a check account for ages because I had been putting off on studying what was the best investment strategy... For three years. Anything would have been better than nothing for three years btw, but there I was, paralyzed.
I find the cancelling subscriptions to be similar to unsubscribing from email lists - in terms of it being people you know. Sometimes it is the act of having to call that blocks (we’re a digital age - why can’t it all be digital??) or it’s the act of having to reach out to an actual human. But when it’s someone I know, it adds a layer.
I had signed up for a free soundbath recently which turned out to be a free trial for a yoga/health based subscription. Someone I know and admire is part of this group, with someone else managing it. I don’t live in Dallas permanently anymore - so I have an “excuse” to get out of it. But for the past week I keep snoozing reminders to do so. And then it caused me to realize I do the same with email subscriptions that are connected to people I know and admire, but the content isn’t really for me. So instead of unsubscribing, I put it in an archived mailbox so I don’t have to look at it or send the unsubscribe with my name attached to it.
In terms of invoicing I finally recognized that I was waiting for the “appropriate convenient time” to do so. And when I realized there’s not really such a thing, I let myself off the hook and got better at sending invoices on time.
Your article and some of the comments definitely resonate with me. Money is such a struggle, but it’s so helpful to know it’s not just me that experiences this! Looking forward to part 2.
Money has been a struggle for me most of my life and even more embarrassing considering I work in Finance. Early on, one thing that helped when it came to money management was being minimalist and limiting the amount of "bills" to things that were absolutely necessary. Of course, circumstances change as you get older, but what has been a God-send is the development of technology like automatic bill pay, automatic deduction and investing to an investment account, and services like Acorn that allow me to save for Christmas without me noticing the money coming out. All that being said, money is still a struggle for me.
Money makes me anxious and I’ve been meaning to talk to financial planners and keep putting it off. I physically feel panicked that signing up for something will lead to a loss. Sometimes I can get myself to watch a webinar but not often.
Because my parents had a small business, I don’t feel hesitation about invoicing or making sure I get paid. It’s investing what do I effectively do with what I make that has me blocked. So stupid.
I found this post VERY helpful.
Wow! I'm literally typing this as I avoid invoicing. Mine are different reasons. Mostly a customer whose invoice is complicated to do, and often gets questioned even tho the work was done last quarter. But it's getting worse for me and I have to put a stop to it and get better at this. I don't know if I need to overcome fear or something else.
I'm really looking forward to the updated list. My struggles with money are a little odd, one step to the left of the usual things and so the usual answers don't always work. As goes my income so goes my mood. And so on.
I don't like feeling vulnerable so I do everything I can to be in a position of strength when it comes to my business. An ideal business model for me is pay up front and/pay as you go, up front. I work hard to offer exceptional work and have built a clientele from referrals. I care and am generous; but I can afford to be as I am not worrying about getting paid. Honestly, I could not handle the stress otherwise.
This topic fits me perfectly. I am bad with money. I don’t trust I have anything sellable to offer. I don’t fully understand the affiliate market if I don’t already have a blog. I’m not even sure I have what it takes to share my interests with anyone. I could go on, but I think I have made my point.
I self- identify (at a deep level) as being broke. I’ve started really paying attention to the narrative that plays in my brain - the “broke” factor plays into about 3/4 of my actions, (or inactions), decisions, and general outlook on my life…