I’m feeling this, particularly because I just had a brush with death called “perforated appendix with peritonitis.”
After waiting eleven hours in the ER waiting room while my perforated appendix leaked poison into me, causing peritonitis (which was 100% fatal before antibiotics), I had surgery the next morning. See ya, appendix!
Five days of IV cefoxitin later, I went home, weak and exhausted.
What a wake-up call!
I immediately let go of things in my life that weren’t working, like an IFS podcast of my own personal work that no one seemed to be particularly interested in.
I’m doubling down on foundational health now— moving more (daily walks top the list) and COMMITTING to developing a circadian rhythm that’s THE SAME every day.
I’m going to be publicly accountable by posting a note of my Oura ring readout daily in this effort, which I’m calling “the summer of sleep.” My goal is to be in bed by 8 pm DAILY!
It’s not because I have the mental belief this is a good idea.
It’s because empirically, when I go to bed by eight pm, then I get enough sleep and feel better.
I have to surrender to what works for me.
I agree that knowing we’re going to die means we may as well surrender now to the little ego-deaths or sense of control the MIND wants, to allow the deeper truths of who we are to emerge.
Why not die a little today, to live more fully for the rest of our time on earth?
Doing stuff past eight o’clock is fun, but not more fun than listening to what my deepest truths are and aligning with them.
Here to the little deaths that allow us to live our biggest lives!
Wow! This resonated with me as I've struggled with prioritizing sleep. I was just thinking about how critical good sleep it is for me and how most days, I manage to tell myself I don't have enough time to sleep well - which makes me irritable and miserable the next day and so on, until I crash. I haven't had a wake up call like yours, but I'm taking your comment as a warning sign. I'm glad to know you're well and taking steps to take care of yourself.
"Why not die a little today, to live more fully for the rest of our time on earth?"
I'm going to carry that one with me for awhile.
Even going to bed feels like a mini death. The day is over. That was it. It might have been great or terrible but it is over. No, I didn't get to do all I wanted to today. My body / brain got tired. I am human, I am limited and that is beautiful. My limits bring a deeper meaning to how I spend my resources, even my emotional resources. Why do my kids have such a hard time going to bed? Perhaps for the same reason I do. Surrender. Who wants to do that? Not me. To go to bed before your body is demanding it of you is to walk in a truth that life is best lived by surrendering and by the courage to get up again. One right act of letting go gives us the strength to take up something of greater value. And that thing is often what our hearts were leading us to all along.
So resonating with this. I was in an accident 15 years ago, and while in rehab/recovery I felt compelled to quit my job, end a career in engineering and go back to grad school. 6 years later I was licensed as a mental health clinician and feeling more aligned with purpose. Then, 3 years ago, with the same sense of intentional change, we moved our family to Portugal. Now we live in a calmer, quieter environment, we are adapting and learning the language and I feel more embodied. All of this gives me more gratitude for the little blip of time I have on earth. Thanks for posting!
I just finished Time Anxiety and it may be the single must helpful self help book I’ve ever read. Not all of it applies to me, but a lot did! I wore out a highlighter reading it! I’m currently doing “more of this, less of that “ all day long. That technique felt very natural and I’m surprised at times by what I want more of or less of!!
1000% agree! I came to the realization about 7 yrs ago when friends starting seemingly randomly dying around me in their early 50’s.
I have since gotten a divorce, sold my company, moved from rainy WA to sunny AZ, traveled for 55 days in a row (Philippines, NorCal, Belize, Mexico, Vegas). Got a tattoo “No time like the present” with a pocket watch and initials of friends that have past.
I turn 50 this year! It’s never too late to live the life of your dreams!! A quote I constantly think about is “it’s later than you think”🤔.
For me this means the clock is spinning and you never know when it’s gonna stop for you 🙏🏼
Off to live #VanLife down by the river and the other National Parks in MERICA!! 😁
Keep up the great work Chris! Good to meet you in Phoenix!
This is what I talk about ALL THE TIME! Thank you for reiterating this small but important fact that we all die someday, and yes, I will die someday. But that is not happening right now, so let's do the thing(s) we are wanting to do and NOT do the thing(s) we do not want to do!
Buddhism teaches that we must repeatedly let go in order to be fully alive. It also teaches, in some traditions, the value of contemplating your own death in exquisite detail. I’ve found both of these teachings useful in staying focused on what is going on NOW rather than spending a lot of time on what MIGHT happen in the future. It’s also been surprisingly effective in keeping suicidal depression from winning.
I’m going through one of those second act stories myself right now joining substack to share my fiction and non-fiction. I have been a writer since I was eight years old, and I even studied screenwriting for my undergraduate degree at USC. And then I pivoted to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner because psychology was the only other thing I cared about as much as creative writing! I now work as a prescriber therapist in private practice and I do so much existential therapy with my clients. I’ve walked them through a very similar process to this article and it never fails to bring insight. It’s often incredibly curative for anxiety and depression. For me as an artist there is no bigger procrastination buster than thinking about my mortality. “Oh, I guess I’ll just finish that chapter another night….no…wait… I’m going to die.l Suddenly all writer’s block is gone! It’s amazing.
Loved your article, we're dying from birth, but we certainly don't always make the most of living. This is so true for over 50's like me. Thanks for sharing.
I'm working on, and often beat myself up about, changing my default patterns. It's 1:36 am right now, and I'm commenting on this post instead of grading my eighth-graders' English papers! I found solace in many other commenters who also talked about shifting daily patterns.
It's funny, I've had no issue with making major changes in my life. I'm 47 and I've been a teacher/coach, management consultant, start-up director, foreign service officer, and now a teacher/coach again, where I feel the most purpose. I think these kinds of changes became possible after I made a hard decision in college to take a year off and transfer after my freshman year. It seemed impossible at the time, but I did it– that made big shifts later in life feel totally plausible.
BUT changing my hard-wired HSP/ADHD/cPTSD patterns? That shit is hard, even with all the different types of therapy and growth work I've done. Probably why I'm back in middle school, a time when I developmentally froze in many ways from shit going on with my family. Figuring out what makes a baby step of growth possible feels like my purpose though. I've become more self-compassionate– the voice inside my head is a lot kinder; it's the same voice I strive to speak to my students and my own children with. I feel like the path is the practice of leading with my self-aware, compassionate spirit energy over my default mode energy. It feels like the most important work of my life, and something I can be of service with in the process. Thank you for your post!
I love what you said about freezing in spots where things went sideways in the past. That is where my critical inner voice came from. My inner voice has finally started reminding me of all I HAVE accomplished. What a relief! Part of that is GIVING up on the idea that you have to contribute one giant thing to the world. The little things count too.
Thank you, Leslie. I appreciate your reminder that I'm already worthy. My worth isn't tied to external accomplishments. Makes logical sense, but right now, it's challenging for me to feel and embody.
Hi Chris, I loved your post. Just 2 years ego, I decided to quit my job and started studying to become a nurse. It’s a 4 year study, so I’m just only halfway. And sometimes it’s hard combining it with a family of 3 children. But I’m very happy I had to courage to do this, and the support of people around me… I would surely advice this kind of decision halfway one’s career path, it’s very refreshing for the mind to be a student again… to unlearn what’s no longer needed, to build up a new network and to try to connect and weave in my old and new world… wonderful!
I’ve been working on two projects that speak directly to this:
1) 🪦 Death Archetypes – a contemplative personality test that helps you uncover your unconscious attitude about mortality. (deatharchetypes.com)
2) 💀 Hello, Mortal – community and content for people exploring how to live meaningfully in the face of impermanence. (hellomortal.substack.com)
Both are rooted in the same truth you name here: thinking about death isn’t morbid—it’s motivating. It wakes us up to what we want to protect, change, love, savor, and build.
This is why the domain of religion is more important than anything else:
1. If there is no life after death, everything you posit is the only meaning we can squeeze from it.
2. If there is no clear answer, we should calibrate our meaning to the greatest moral good we can achieve, which may strip away daily enjoyment to increase the odds of success.
3. If any particular religion is true, we must fall in line with that religion's indication over the best way to live.
I’m feeling this, particularly because I just had a brush with death called “perforated appendix with peritonitis.”
After waiting eleven hours in the ER waiting room while my perforated appendix leaked poison into me, causing peritonitis (which was 100% fatal before antibiotics), I had surgery the next morning. See ya, appendix!
Five days of IV cefoxitin later, I went home, weak and exhausted.
What a wake-up call!
I immediately let go of things in my life that weren’t working, like an IFS podcast of my own personal work that no one seemed to be particularly interested in.
I’m doubling down on foundational health now— moving more (daily walks top the list) and COMMITTING to developing a circadian rhythm that’s THE SAME every day.
I’m going to be publicly accountable by posting a note of my Oura ring readout daily in this effort, which I’m calling “the summer of sleep.” My goal is to be in bed by 8 pm DAILY!
It’s not because I have the mental belief this is a good idea.
It’s because empirically, when I go to bed by eight pm, then I get enough sleep and feel better.
I have to surrender to what works for me.
I agree that knowing we’re going to die means we may as well surrender now to the little ego-deaths or sense of control the MIND wants, to allow the deeper truths of who we are to emerge.
Why not die a little today, to live more fully for the rest of our time on earth?
Doing stuff past eight o’clock is fun, but not more fun than listening to what my deepest truths are and aligning with them.
Here to the little deaths that allow us to live our biggest lives!
Wow! This resonated with me as I've struggled with prioritizing sleep. I was just thinking about how critical good sleep it is for me and how most days, I manage to tell myself I don't have enough time to sleep well - which makes me irritable and miserable the next day and so on, until I crash. I haven't had a wake up call like yours, but I'm taking your comment as a warning sign. I'm glad to know you're well and taking steps to take care of yourself.
"Why not die a little today, to live more fully for the rest of our time on earth?"
I'm going to carry that one with me for awhile.
Even going to bed feels like a mini death. The day is over. That was it. It might have been great or terrible but it is over. No, I didn't get to do all I wanted to today. My body / brain got tired. I am human, I am limited and that is beautiful. My limits bring a deeper meaning to how I spend my resources, even my emotional resources. Why do my kids have such a hard time going to bed? Perhaps for the same reason I do. Surrender. Who wants to do that? Not me. To go to bed before your body is demanding it of you is to walk in a truth that life is best lived by surrendering and by the courage to get up again. One right act of letting go gives us the strength to take up something of greater value. And that thing is often what our hearts were leading us to all along.
So resonating with this. I was in an accident 15 years ago, and while in rehab/recovery I felt compelled to quit my job, end a career in engineering and go back to grad school. 6 years later I was licensed as a mental health clinician and feeling more aligned with purpose. Then, 3 years ago, with the same sense of intentional change, we moved our family to Portugal. Now we live in a calmer, quieter environment, we are adapting and learning the language and I feel more embodied. All of this gives me more gratitude for the little blip of time I have on earth. Thanks for posting!
I just finished Time Anxiety and it may be the single must helpful self help book I’ve ever read. Not all of it applies to me, but a lot did! I wore out a highlighter reading it! I’m currently doing “more of this, less of that “ all day long. That technique felt very natural and I’m surprised at times by what I want more of or less of!!
1000% agree! I came to the realization about 7 yrs ago when friends starting seemingly randomly dying around me in their early 50’s.
I have since gotten a divorce, sold my company, moved from rainy WA to sunny AZ, traveled for 55 days in a row (Philippines, NorCal, Belize, Mexico, Vegas). Got a tattoo “No time like the present” with a pocket watch and initials of friends that have past.
I turn 50 this year! It’s never too late to live the life of your dreams!! A quote I constantly think about is “it’s later than you think”🤔.
For me this means the clock is spinning and you never know when it’s gonna stop for you 🙏🏼
Off to live #VanLife down by the river and the other National Parks in MERICA!! 😁
Keep up the great work Chris! Good to meet you in Phoenix!
This is what I talk about ALL THE TIME! Thank you for reiterating this small but important fact that we all die someday, and yes, I will die someday. But that is not happening right now, so let's do the thing(s) we are wanting to do and NOT do the thing(s) we do not want to do!
Buddhism teaches that we must repeatedly let go in order to be fully alive. It also teaches, in some traditions, the value of contemplating your own death in exquisite detail. I’ve found both of these teachings useful in staying focused on what is going on NOW rather than spending a lot of time on what MIGHT happen in the future. It’s also been surprisingly effective in keeping suicidal depression from winning.
I’m going through one of those second act stories myself right now joining substack to share my fiction and non-fiction. I have been a writer since I was eight years old, and I even studied screenwriting for my undergraduate degree at USC. And then I pivoted to become a psychiatric nurse practitioner because psychology was the only other thing I cared about as much as creative writing! I now work as a prescriber therapist in private practice and I do so much existential therapy with my clients. I’ve walked them through a very similar process to this article and it never fails to bring insight. It’s often incredibly curative for anxiety and depression. For me as an artist there is no bigger procrastination buster than thinking about my mortality. “Oh, I guess I’ll just finish that chapter another night….no…wait… I’m going to die.l Suddenly all writer’s block is gone! It’s amazing.
You gotta live to die! So many people just waiting on that inevitable death instead of choosing to live life.
Loved your article, we're dying from birth, but we certainly don't always make the most of living. This is so true for over 50's like me. Thanks for sharing.
I'm working on, and often beat myself up about, changing my default patterns. It's 1:36 am right now, and I'm commenting on this post instead of grading my eighth-graders' English papers! I found solace in many other commenters who also talked about shifting daily patterns.
It's funny, I've had no issue with making major changes in my life. I'm 47 and I've been a teacher/coach, management consultant, start-up director, foreign service officer, and now a teacher/coach again, where I feel the most purpose. I think these kinds of changes became possible after I made a hard decision in college to take a year off and transfer after my freshman year. It seemed impossible at the time, but I did it– that made big shifts later in life feel totally plausible.
BUT changing my hard-wired HSP/ADHD/cPTSD patterns? That shit is hard, even with all the different types of therapy and growth work I've done. Probably why I'm back in middle school, a time when I developmentally froze in many ways from shit going on with my family. Figuring out what makes a baby step of growth possible feels like my purpose though. I've become more self-compassionate– the voice inside my head is a lot kinder; it's the same voice I strive to speak to my students and my own children with. I feel like the path is the practice of leading with my self-aware, compassionate spirit energy over my default mode energy. It feels like the most important work of my life, and something I can be of service with in the process. Thank you for your post!
I love what you said about freezing in spots where things went sideways in the past. That is where my critical inner voice came from. My inner voice has finally started reminding me of all I HAVE accomplished. What a relief! Part of that is GIVING up on the idea that you have to contribute one giant thing to the world. The little things count too.
Thank you, Leslie. I appreciate your reminder that I'm already worthy. My worth isn't tied to external accomplishments. Makes logical sense, but right now, it's challenging for me to feel and embody.
Hi Chris, I loved your post. Just 2 years ego, I decided to quit my job and started studying to become a nurse. It’s a 4 year study, so I’m just only halfway. And sometimes it’s hard combining it with a family of 3 children. But I’m very happy I had to courage to do this, and the support of people around me… I would surely advice this kind of decision halfway one’s career path, it’s very refreshing for the mind to be a student again… to unlearn what’s no longer needed, to build up a new network and to try to connect and weave in my old and new world… wonderful!
I'll have to start using the "I'm going to die one day" as an excuse to not do things I don't want to do, lol.
Ah wait - I had a thought - oh no, I forgot. Ah, there it is again - a-a-a-u-g.
I’ve been working on two projects that speak directly to this:
1) 🪦 Death Archetypes – a contemplative personality test that helps you uncover your unconscious attitude about mortality. (deatharchetypes.com)
2) 💀 Hello, Mortal – community and content for people exploring how to live meaningfully in the face of impermanence. (hellomortal.substack.com)
Both are rooted in the same truth you name here: thinking about death isn’t morbid—it’s motivating. It wakes us up to what we want to protect, change, love, savor, and build.
This is why the domain of religion is more important than anything else:
1. If there is no life after death, everything you posit is the only meaning we can squeeze from it.
2. If there is no clear answer, we should calibrate our meaning to the greatest moral good we can achieve, which may strip away daily enjoyment to increase the odds of success.
3. If any particular religion is true, we must fall in line with that religion's indication over the best way to live.