This week, I’m surfacing deep anger about being invaded by other people time and time again about a basic human activity— eating. What you think about what I eat is not interesting to me!
The idea that what people eat is somehow grounds for other people to feel superior, morally righteous, or just to make comments on – no! It’s absurd, tedious, boring, and pathetic.
Be a vegan — but don’t get in arguments with me and tell me I’m an animal killer! (As if tilling the soil to harvest a crop does not kill moles, voles, squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, etc.? Give me a break. I’m not an idiot).
I’ve decided to do my own research and eat the way I want to. I’ve had someone shout across a table at me for salting my food. Salt?! The Romans paid their armies in salt — that’s the origin of the word ‘salary.’ Ignorance about the necessity of electrolytes is not grounds for harassing me for being a human with basic mineral needs. Considering I never eat processed food, exactly where else am I going to get my salt unless I actually put it on my food? Ugh!!
I was once eating an organic butter lettuce salad with organic olive oil and organic apple cider vinegar. I’m not sure exactly how much healthier or immune from criticism this particular meal could be. But someone felt the need to criticize how much vinegar I was putting on my salad! “Are you really going to use that much vinegar?“ In what universe does the amount of vinegar I use have anything to do with another adult? What the hell!
Last week it came up in conversation that I don’t eat fruit. I just don’t digest it – I have poor digestion, calm down. I can decide what I want to eat, and nobody ever died from not eating fruit. Instead of just being a normal human being, the person I was in conversation with said, “Oh, then, how do you get your antioxidants?“
We were standing in my kitchen, which looks somewhat like an herbal apothecary from the middle ages, with rows and rows of herbs in glass jars in plain sight on open shelving. Answer: geez, I don’t know, maybe if you open just one of your eyeballs for one second you could see that I am literally surrounded by antioxidants in jars around the perimeter my kitchen!!
We all get to decide what the hell we want to do in every area of our lives, because we’re all making it up as we go.
It is a FACT that people who do the standard conventional consensus thing are going to shoot their mouths off and feel entitled to harass us for the most minute infractions against the norm.
Keep on going! Let those fools feel superior about being a better human because they’re vegan, or they use less salt, or they use less vinegar, or they get their antioxidants in a better way.
When I encounter these fools, it’s an indication this is not my kind of person. I don’t want to be surrounded by people who can’t regulate their nervous systems enough to simply “live and let live.“ If they need to get up into my business about what I eat — judging vinegar? salt? the most mundane, absurd, ridiculous food choices I make? Then what else are they going to feel entitled to judge, to react to, to problematize my existence? What’s next? Criticizing how much I breathe?
No thank you! The more wakka flakka bs I get for daring to exist in front of normies, the more they teach me how extremely un-fun they are. Someone who criticizes something so unbelievably stupid as how much vinegar I use, is basically saying, “Hi! I am not fun to be around.“
Maya Angelou has a saying for this: “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.“
Okay, I hear you loud and clear. And I will do everything I can to stop being in your presence, to stop eating in front of you, to stop socializing with you, and to stop being in a relationship with you. Because a “relationship” where I’m not free to do the most basic thing a human does — eat in peace — is no relationship at all. It’s covert narcissism, or emotional abuse, or control, or domination — but it’s not my definition of a relationship.
If I don’t have the basic freedom to choose my own path on the most primal levels of my fundamental humanity, screw this. I am walking away.
This is the place when your mind breaks free from constant comparison of either / or, and discovers that there is a whole world of choices around you. That there is even more beyond this third option.
I've always lived differently than those around me. I grew up poor, but my mom always told me "we don't have to act poor just because we are--we can be clean, have a tidy house, wear nice clothes (that we buy secondhand)." My family were all small town folks. I was the first person in my dad's family to go to college. I'm the only artist in the family (aside from my aunt who started painting in her retirement). Most of my family members work in blue collar jobs. I've only had a full-time day job once in my life, for about four years. Otherwise, I've always had a mix of multiple part time jobs to create the flexibility I needed to act. I worked as a server for a long time. Friends had trouble understanding my inability to just take off work to do fun things on the weekend. I lived with my ex's family for five years while he was in college. His parents and I got along great. I've also had roommates my whole adult life outside of my relationship with my ex. I hate living alone. I did it once for a year, and wasn't happy. I love having people around. Just a few of the ways my life is different than what others expect.
I love this concept. I see it as a box in which I've been told my entire life I need to stay within. A box of societally acceptable actions and life choices. It has some good options, but what's outside of it is incredibly varied and pretty amazing. I can live the way others want in some aspects, nothing wrong with that, but I can absolutely choose what's right for me as well. Gets me excited just thinking about it.
1. Jeez, where do I start? I talk to the moon out loud. Yes, I know it can't talk back; that's what's so great about it. It's the best listener you could ask for.
2. Not really. I did when I was still working in retail (and you kinda have to give in to the pressure if you want to keep working there) but now that I work a remote job that's not at issue. My family and friends are pretty accepting of who and what I am.
3. I learned a very solid lesson in grade school. It was the last day of school and we were given a pop quiz that said to read all the instructions before beginning. I read the instructions (they were silly things like "poke three holes in the corner of your paper" and "stand up, turn around, and sit back down again") and got to the very last one which said "you don't have to do any of the above instructions." But all the other kids were poking holes, and standing up and sitting down and saying their names out loud, so I figured I must have misunderstood, and rushed to do them all and catch up. Then one kid gets to the bottom and says "Oh, no!" And thus I learned that just because everybody is doing something, it doesn't mean they're doing the right thing.
4. My summer has mostly been spent indoors because the heat's been blazing and I don't have a job to drive to anymore. My car is been in a precarious state that came to a head in May, and I've been driving it very little while waiting for a necessary part to arrive. For months. Which means I haven't gotten out much except for some trips to the museum on public transportation. (But the part is here! It's getting fixed in September. Yeaye!)
I definitely live a life that's different from those around me and it took me a while to get here and to really accept that just conforming wasn't going to work for me. I'm glad I took that step and listened to what I really wanted.
I think because I’ve always known I’m an artist-type at heart, and because artists are expected (hah!) to live differently than others, I’ve always taken this for granted and am still surprised when people close to me are confused when I make unexpected choices. Similarly, as an artist-type there are expectations of what counterculture, rebellion, individuality etc. look like, and sometimes other artist-types judge me for doing what is unexpected of an artist-type…which I find hilarious! And frustrating! I will now just send them this article when they are confused.
This week, I’m surfacing deep anger about being invaded by other people time and time again about a basic human activity— eating. What you think about what I eat is not interesting to me!
The idea that what people eat is somehow grounds for other people to feel superior, morally righteous, or just to make comments on – no! It’s absurd, tedious, boring, and pathetic.
Be a vegan — but don’t get in arguments with me and tell me I’m an animal killer! (As if tilling the soil to harvest a crop does not kill moles, voles, squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks, etc.? Give me a break. I’m not an idiot).
I’ve decided to do my own research and eat the way I want to. I’ve had someone shout across a table at me for salting my food. Salt?! The Romans paid their armies in salt — that’s the origin of the word ‘salary.’ Ignorance about the necessity of electrolytes is not grounds for harassing me for being a human with basic mineral needs. Considering I never eat processed food, exactly where else am I going to get my salt unless I actually put it on my food? Ugh!!
I was once eating an organic butter lettuce salad with organic olive oil and organic apple cider vinegar. I’m not sure exactly how much healthier or immune from criticism this particular meal could be. But someone felt the need to criticize how much vinegar I was putting on my salad! “Are you really going to use that much vinegar?“ In what universe does the amount of vinegar I use have anything to do with another adult? What the hell!
Last week it came up in conversation that I don’t eat fruit. I just don’t digest it – I have poor digestion, calm down. I can decide what I want to eat, and nobody ever died from not eating fruit. Instead of just being a normal human being, the person I was in conversation with said, “Oh, then, how do you get your antioxidants?“
We were standing in my kitchen, which looks somewhat like an herbal apothecary from the middle ages, with rows and rows of herbs in glass jars in plain sight on open shelving. Answer: geez, I don’t know, maybe if you open just one of your eyeballs for one second you could see that I am literally surrounded by antioxidants in jars around the perimeter my kitchen!!
We all get to decide what the hell we want to do in every area of our lives, because we’re all making it up as we go.
It is a FACT that people who do the standard conventional consensus thing are going to shoot their mouths off and feel entitled to harass us for the most minute infractions against the norm.
Keep on going! Let those fools feel superior about being a better human because they’re vegan, or they use less salt, or they use less vinegar, or they get their antioxidants in a better way.
When I encounter these fools, it’s an indication this is not my kind of person. I don’t want to be surrounded by people who can’t regulate their nervous systems enough to simply “live and let live.“ If they need to get up into my business about what I eat — judging vinegar? salt? the most mundane, absurd, ridiculous food choices I make? Then what else are they going to feel entitled to judge, to react to, to problematize my existence? What’s next? Criticizing how much I breathe?
No thank you! The more wakka flakka bs I get for daring to exist in front of normies, the more they teach me how extremely un-fun they are. Someone who criticizes something so unbelievably stupid as how much vinegar I use, is basically saying, “Hi! I am not fun to be around.“
Maya Angelou has a saying for this: “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.“
Okay, I hear you loud and clear. And I will do everything I can to stop being in your presence, to stop eating in front of you, to stop socializing with you, and to stop being in a relationship with you. Because a “relationship” where I’m not free to do the most basic thing a human does — eat in peace — is no relationship at all. It’s covert narcissism, or emotional abuse, or control, or domination — but it’s not my definition of a relationship.
If I don’t have the basic freedom to choose my own path on the most primal levels of my fundamental humanity, screw this. I am walking away.
Vinegar? REALLY?
I mean, I believe you that it happened, it's just...vinegar? Was the bottle running low? What?
The bottle was at least 3/4 full… absolutely not running low!!
I feel you! It was so absurd. I bought the bottle myself (I was on vacation, picked it up at Whole Foods, and she had her own).
I used maybe 1/4 a cup MAX. Totally unprovoked and no reason for it in the world, just a need to dominate me & using “too much” was the handy excuse.
Folks who get triggered LOVE to use “too much” as a handy-dandy excuse to criticize and express contempt for others.
This got me thinking:
Freedom starts when you find the third option.
This is the place when your mind breaks free from constant comparison of either / or, and discovers that there is a whole world of choices around you. That there is even more beyond this third option.
And all these are available to you, right now.
You can walk right out of your trap.
I've always lived differently than those around me. I grew up poor, but my mom always told me "we don't have to act poor just because we are--we can be clean, have a tidy house, wear nice clothes (that we buy secondhand)." My family were all small town folks. I was the first person in my dad's family to go to college. I'm the only artist in the family (aside from my aunt who started painting in her retirement). Most of my family members work in blue collar jobs. I've only had a full-time day job once in my life, for about four years. Otherwise, I've always had a mix of multiple part time jobs to create the flexibility I needed to act. I worked as a server for a long time. Friends had trouble understanding my inability to just take off work to do fun things on the weekend. I lived with my ex's family for five years while he was in college. His parents and I got along great. I've also had roommates my whole adult life outside of my relationship with my ex. I hate living alone. I did it once for a year, and wasn't happy. I love having people around. Just a few of the ways my life is different than what others expect.
I love this concept. I see it as a box in which I've been told my entire life I need to stay within. A box of societally acceptable actions and life choices. It has some good options, but what's outside of it is incredibly varied and pretty amazing. I can live the way others want in some aspects, nothing wrong with that, but I can absolutely choose what's right for me as well. Gets me excited just thinking about it.
This might be the central idea of every novel I’ve ever read! (And I’m an English prof 😁) Love it!
1. Jeez, where do I start? I talk to the moon out loud. Yes, I know it can't talk back; that's what's so great about it. It's the best listener you could ask for.
2. Not really. I did when I was still working in retail (and you kinda have to give in to the pressure if you want to keep working there) but now that I work a remote job that's not at issue. My family and friends are pretty accepting of who and what I am.
3. I learned a very solid lesson in grade school. It was the last day of school and we were given a pop quiz that said to read all the instructions before beginning. I read the instructions (they were silly things like "poke three holes in the corner of your paper" and "stand up, turn around, and sit back down again") and got to the very last one which said "you don't have to do any of the above instructions." But all the other kids were poking holes, and standing up and sitting down and saying their names out loud, so I figured I must have misunderstood, and rushed to do them all and catch up. Then one kid gets to the bottom and says "Oh, no!" And thus I learned that just because everybody is doing something, it doesn't mean they're doing the right thing.
4. My summer has mostly been spent indoors because the heat's been blazing and I don't have a job to drive to anymore. My car is been in a precarious state that came to a head in May, and I've been driving it very little while waiting for a necessary part to arrive. For months. Which means I haven't gotten out much except for some trips to the museum on public transportation. (But the part is here! It's getting fixed in September. Yeaye!)
I definitely live a life that's different from those around me and it took me a while to get here and to really accept that just conforming wasn't going to work for me. I'm glad I took that step and listened to what I really wanted.
I think because I’ve always known I’m an artist-type at heart, and because artists are expected (hah!) to live differently than others, I’ve always taken this for granted and am still surprised when people close to me are confused when I make unexpected choices. Similarly, as an artist-type there are expectations of what counterculture, rebellion, individuality etc. look like, and sometimes other artist-types judge me for doing what is unexpected of an artist-type…which I find hilarious! And frustrating! I will now just send them this article when they are confused.
When I realised i had all the options and i could decide what to do, it was a revealling moment!!!