And I’m so glad you started that blog! The impact on not only your life, but the lives of so many others (like me!) has been so significant . . . because you didn’t get what you wanted. Reminds me of the phrase “rejection is redirection”. I’m going to hold onto that the next time I don’t get what I want!
It took me forever to get to where I am today but am here just in time. You know those ‘by the time I am I will have’ lists? Got there in the end. Definitely ‘might ’ makes you stronger. PURE GRITis key. As long as you are relatively healthy, Giving up ain’t an option mate!
I have been reading all of the "A Year of Mental Health" posts, but haven't been compelled to comment until I read this one. Two failures in my life have made me much happier in the end. Career-wise, starting out as a public school teacher in 1999, I thought I wanted to be a school administrator. So, I got a doctorate in educational administration and started meeting all the right people and making the connections necessary to succeed. After making it to the final two and not getting selected for assistant principal positions several times, it became extremely frustrating to the point where I almost left the profession entirely. This leads me to my other failure: my marriage. When I got divorced, I gave up on the idea of being a principal and focused on being the best teacher and father to my son that I could possibly be. I changed schools to the high school where my son attended, and it turned out to be the best experience I could have ever asked for! My connection with him increased tremendously. He's now a college graduate and we have a great relationship. School administration these days is nearing being a 24/7/365 profession with a lot of added stress, and staying as a teacher gave me more free time to pursue some hobbies which balance my life extremely well. I'm only a couple of years away from retirement, and I'm extremely happy these days! Had I gotten an administrative job and continued to be in a tough marriage, I know my mental health would be in a much different place. Even though I didn't believe it at the time, I guess sometimes the universe does know best.
Love this Chris, your story is so inspirational. Often we think we are at the end of the story when really we are only half way through. We never know what comes next✨
This is aligned with an important perspective shift validated by Dweck's growth mindset research:
When you don't get the result you want, do you view it as "a sign that I don't have what it takes" or something akin to "I'm not there yet...and this (perceived setback/unwanted event) is something I can learn from en route to where I want to go."
I try to live by a variant of the old proverb: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again, then try something else!” That is, sometimes you need to practice by doing a thing repeatedly till you can do it and other times you are busy experimenting (ie trying lots of things that turn out not to work how you expected) to iterate and learn your way to something that does work. Daniel Kahnemann is quoted in Adam Grant’s book “Think Again” as saying: “I love finding out I’m wrong - that means I’ve definitely learned something I didn’t know before!”
This resonates - I also thought I wanted to be a phd for the credibility but went the author route and have been invited to speak at those places I didn’t get into. Also places where people who went to school who had underestimated me, so that also was a fun vindication.
We are stronger than we know. We all have gifts. Sadly, academic success does not always lead to success in life. While teachers serve as mentors and “grade” us, life is often without these cheerleaders. I hope those speeches at the colleges were well paid gigs (like six figures!), Chris! They owed you a tangible reward for your success and their admiration. I would submit that you are one of those mentors in life for many now. It’s like life itself handed you a Ph.D. Or rather you designed your own Ph.D.
I had a very difficult time accepting that someone else was chosen for an MFA program that I really wanted to get into. It was down to just a handful of us. I've always wondered what I could have done differently to get picked or where my life might have gone had I been picked. But when I think about all the paths I've gone down and experiences I've had since, I do believe that I am a stronger person having NOT been picked. After college I had A LOT of growing up to do and I don't know if another 2-4 years of school would have served my maturity and mental health.
Sure, I failed at being a published author three times. Contracts signed, ready to go and my heart just wasn't in it. An author has to believe in themselves to make things work out. I couldn't believe myself if you paid me a very handsome up front that would take care of me forever. I walked away from writing (and I still do) because I don't believe that I have what it takes to be "professional."
And I’m so glad you started that blog! The impact on not only your life, but the lives of so many others (like me!) has been so significant . . . because you didn’t get what you wanted. Reminds me of the phrase “rejection is redirection”. I’m going to hold onto that the next time I don’t get what I want!
“The discomfort is real but so is the joy” is a phrase that’s been going round my head this week reflecting on “the work that is mine to do”.
It took me forever to get to where I am today but am here just in time. You know those ‘by the time I am I will have’ lists? Got there in the end. Definitely ‘might ’ makes you stronger. PURE GRITis key. As long as you are relatively healthy, Giving up ain’t an option mate!
I have been reading all of the "A Year of Mental Health" posts, but haven't been compelled to comment until I read this one. Two failures in my life have made me much happier in the end. Career-wise, starting out as a public school teacher in 1999, I thought I wanted to be a school administrator. So, I got a doctorate in educational administration and started meeting all the right people and making the connections necessary to succeed. After making it to the final two and not getting selected for assistant principal positions several times, it became extremely frustrating to the point where I almost left the profession entirely. This leads me to my other failure: my marriage. When I got divorced, I gave up on the idea of being a principal and focused on being the best teacher and father to my son that I could possibly be. I changed schools to the high school where my son attended, and it turned out to be the best experience I could have ever asked for! My connection with him increased tremendously. He's now a college graduate and we have a great relationship. School administration these days is nearing being a 24/7/365 profession with a lot of added stress, and staying as a teacher gave me more free time to pursue some hobbies which balance my life extremely well. I'm only a couple of years away from retirement, and I'm extremely happy these days! Had I gotten an administrative job and continued to be in a tough marriage, I know my mental health would be in a much different place. Even though I didn't believe it at the time, I guess sometimes the universe does know best.
Love this Chris, your story is so inspirational. Often we think we are at the end of the story when really we are only half way through. We never know what comes next✨
This is aligned with an important perspective shift validated by Dweck's growth mindset research:
When you don't get the result you want, do you view it as "a sign that I don't have what it takes" or something akin to "I'm not there yet...and this (perceived setback/unwanted event) is something I can learn from en route to where I want to go."
I try to live by a variant of the old proverb: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again, then try something else!” That is, sometimes you need to practice by doing a thing repeatedly till you can do it and other times you are busy experimenting (ie trying lots of things that turn out not to work how you expected) to iterate and learn your way to something that does work. Daniel Kahnemann is quoted in Adam Grant’s book “Think Again” as saying: “I love finding out I’m wrong - that means I’ve definitely learned something I didn’t know before!”
This resonates - I also thought I wanted to be a phd for the credibility but went the author route and have been invited to speak at those places I didn’t get into. Also places where people who went to school who had underestimated me, so that also was a fun vindication.
We are stronger than we know. We all have gifts. Sadly, academic success does not always lead to success in life. While teachers serve as mentors and “grade” us, life is often without these cheerleaders. I hope those speeches at the colleges were well paid gigs (like six figures!), Chris! They owed you a tangible reward for your success and their admiration. I would submit that you are one of those mentors in life for many now. It’s like life itself handed you a Ph.D. Or rather you designed your own Ph.D.
I had a very difficult time accepting that someone else was chosen for an MFA program that I really wanted to get into. It was down to just a handful of us. I've always wondered what I could have done differently to get picked or where my life might have gone had I been picked. But when I think about all the paths I've gone down and experiences I've had since, I do believe that I am a stronger person having NOT been picked. After college I had A LOT of growing up to do and I don't know if another 2-4 years of school would have served my maturity and mental health.
Just keep on going. :)
Sure, I failed at being a published author three times. Contracts signed, ready to go and my heart just wasn't in it. An author has to believe in themselves to make things work out. I couldn't believe myself if you paid me a very handsome up front that would take care of me forever. I walked away from writing (and I still do) because I don't believe that I have what it takes to be "professional."
You don't need to be "professional" Matthew, you just need to be authentically you. You can do that.