The nervous system is so quick to confuse comfort with safety; discomfort is not actually a lack of safety!
Iām working on a big new creative project (an IFS podcast of my own inner work) and my system is on red alert every day! The discomfort is crucifying.
Well, isn't this timely? I'm definitely what you might call a homebody, but my challenge right now is to travel tomorrow, alone, to a different country, to attend a little shindig called NeuroDiversion 2025 LOL - it's my 'big brave' for this year (well, actually, one of them - I'm working on others) and I've been tempted to downplay it because for many people it'd be no big deal, but actually for me it IS a big challenge - travelling, peopling for several days where I know absolutely nobody, managing my discomfort without my emotional support human (spouse) with me. Thanks, Chris, for this reminder that it's definitely worth my discomfort to expand my envelope a little bit.
I am currently navigating a safe but VERY uncomfy situation in facing my fears (I call it showing up at the table to be present with them). This has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life! šāØ
So grateful for your message. I truly believe when we are uncomfy itās just a signal that we are at the edge of our comfort zone and itās being expanded before our very being. Thatās communicated through those vibrational feelings of eek!
Travel is an adventure. Without adventures, you have no stories to tell. Steinbeck said, "You do not take a trip, a trip takes you." And, the surest way to ruine it is to try to control it - like a marriage partner...
Chris, this is an important distinction. For college aged men and women there's a real need for facilitated events and activities that get to the edge of comfort while maintaining safety in order to be at the learning edge. If you know of any programs that may fit, please share.
Perfect timing for this wonderful reminder! Iāve been nervous about an upcoming backpacking trip in a couple of days. (This happens before every backpacking adventure I go on) This post definitely helped ease my anxiety!
Staying silent feels like the safest choice. But if there are unspoken conflicts and misunderstandings to deranged then itās not the smart choice. Seriously, they should teach the art of conflict resolution in the first grade. It would not only help people in work relationships but in family situations as well.
Thank you for this! I say this often when training health care workers and helping them process moral distress. Pairs perfectly with the piece I released today on speaking up as moral courage. Moral courage is an act that requires exactly what you wrote about - leaning into discomfort.
Retaliation can certainly feel like a threat in the current political climate. Certain conversations that I hesitate to have with people in positions of power, even a little bit of power. I retired from the Federal Government a decade ago, and the federal employee firings and dismantling of federal agencies are alarming.
Switching career at 38 was uncomfortable but I deliberately put myself through it. And it was absolutely worth it. Transformations happen throughout disruptions
This is such an important distinction. Discomfort is often a sign of growth, while true danger is something else entirely. Loved the clarity and perspective in this piece!
Iāve always been someone who chases beautyācalm places, good design, rituals that make life feel elegant. But some of the most defining moments havenāt been comfortable at all. Theyāve been awkward, uncertain, and a little messy.
Discomfort has this strange way of teaching you what you're made of. Iāve felt it in unfamiliar cities, in trying something new and getting it wrong, in conversations that pushed me past surface-level. And looking back, those moments are the ones I remember with the most clarity.
Youāre rightātaxis donāt make memories. But figuring something out on your own, when everything feels slightly offāthat stays with you.
A good reminder that refinement isnāt always about ease. Sometimes, it starts with discomfort.
I think you should acknowledge that not all discomfort is such a great thing. I recently had somebody I work with ask me a question about a personal matter (that I stated clearly was personal) which made me VERY uncomfortable, but I didn't gain anything useful from it.
Crucial distinction!
The nervous system is so quick to confuse comfort with safety; discomfort is not actually a lack of safety!
Iām working on a big new creative project (an IFS podcast of my own inner work) and my system is on red alert every day! The discomfort is crucifying.
Doing it anyway!!
Inspiring! Keep going! š¦
Thanks Suzanne!! Iām working through the fear!!
Love this, Melissa!!! You got this!!! šŖāØ
Thanks Lavender!!! I will!
Well, isn't this timely? I'm definitely what you might call a homebody, but my challenge right now is to travel tomorrow, alone, to a different country, to attend a little shindig called NeuroDiversion 2025 LOL - it's my 'big brave' for this year (well, actually, one of them - I'm working on others) and I've been tempted to downplay it because for many people it'd be no big deal, but actually for me it IS a big challenge - travelling, peopling for several days where I know absolutely nobody, managing my discomfort without my emotional support human (spouse) with me. Thanks, Chris, for this reminder that it's definitely worth my discomfort to expand my envelope a little bit.
This is such a powerful message. WOW!
I am currently navigating a safe but VERY uncomfy situation in facing my fears (I call it showing up at the table to be present with them). This has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life! šāØ
So grateful for your message. I truly believe when we are uncomfy itās just a signal that we are at the edge of our comfort zone and itās being expanded before our very being. Thatās communicated through those vibrational feelings of eek!
Travel is an adventure. Without adventures, you have no stories to tell. Steinbeck said, "You do not take a trip, a trip takes you." And, the surest way to ruine it is to try to control it - like a marriage partner...
Love this so applicable, I've had many a situation like this but it applies to so much in life.
Thanks for raising this.
Being comfortable with discomfort is resilience. It can be confused with buckling under.
Like most others, the timing on this post is impeccable for me
I've just left a super duper comfy role after 11 years to try something different - the discomfort is real and occasionally overwhelming
But I cling to the mantra "discomfort = growth"
Chris, this is an important distinction. For college aged men and women there's a real need for facilitated events and activities that get to the edge of comfort while maintaining safety in order to be at the learning edge. If you know of any programs that may fit, please share.
Perfect timing for this wonderful reminder! Iāve been nervous about an upcoming backpacking trip in a couple of days. (This happens before every backpacking adventure I go on) This post definitely helped ease my anxiety!
Staying silent feels like the safest choice. But if there are unspoken conflicts and misunderstandings to deranged then itās not the smart choice. Seriously, they should teach the art of conflict resolution in the first grade. It would not only help people in work relationships but in family situations as well.
Thank you for this! I say this often when training health care workers and helping them process moral distress. Pairs perfectly with the piece I released today on speaking up as moral courage. Moral courage is an act that requires exactly what you wrote about - leaning into discomfort.
https://open.substack.com/pub/moralinjuryclinic/p/the-moral-courage-of-speaking-up
Retaliation can certainly feel like a threat in the current political climate. Certain conversations that I hesitate to have with people in positions of power, even a little bit of power. I retired from the Federal Government a decade ago, and the federal employee firings and dismantling of federal agencies are alarming.
Thank you. Will do!
Switching career at 38 was uncomfortable but I deliberately put myself through it. And it was absolutely worth it. Transformations happen throughout disruptions
This is such an important distinction. Discomfort is often a sign of growth, while true danger is something else entirely. Loved the clarity and perspective in this piece!
Iāve always been someone who chases beautyācalm places, good design, rituals that make life feel elegant. But some of the most defining moments havenāt been comfortable at all. Theyāve been awkward, uncertain, and a little messy.
Discomfort has this strange way of teaching you what you're made of. Iāve felt it in unfamiliar cities, in trying something new and getting it wrong, in conversations that pushed me past surface-level. And looking back, those moments are the ones I remember with the most clarity.
Youāre rightātaxis donāt make memories. But figuring something out on your own, when everything feels slightly offāthat stays with you.
A good reminder that refinement isnāt always about ease. Sometimes, it starts with discomfort.
I think you should acknowledge that not all discomfort is such a great thing. I recently had somebody I work with ask me a question about a personal matter (that I stated clearly was personal) which made me VERY uncomfortable, but I didn't gain anything useful from it.