So many, sadly. All the food that I bought with great intentions, that I watched go bad in my fridge. All the credit card late fees because I forgot it wasn't on autopay. And many subscriptions that were annual which were amazing at the time, and then when I stopped using them I would completely forget about them and then suddenly see a $500 charge and I would have to figure out 'What the hell IS this??"
Happens all the time! Naturally i blame myself for being, inattentive, lazy, disorganized, slow all those kinds of words. It's the cost of being successful? I don't think do. I think it's more like things are more complicated, and slower. Things needing attention used to arrive in the mail, and as time allowed i pulled envelopes from the bottom, except for suspected invoices which went in a separate stack. It worked nearly flawlessly, until it didn't.
Now thing requiring action come via voice mail, via the copper line phone, the mobile phone, via Messenger, via what's app, yes, sometime via fax. No wonder i can't keep up...there is so much to keep up with than paying the bills on time.....
Right now, my struggle tax is dealing with EXTRA ONLINE STORAGE. I currently pay for iCloud storage and Dropbox storage. Google is now telling me I don’t have enough. So much so that in a couple of weeks I won’t be able to send emails and currently I can’t edit any google docs. I probably won’t do anything until the day before. 🙈
Wow, I feel so seen! I love and appreciate this language and feel it captures well how I feel. I don’t know enough about “executive function” or how to test for its absence or lack. But I know I can relate to this.
I don't THINK I'm ADHD, but I struggle with some of the same things you write about. Amazon Prime has gotten me a couple of times. I now put a reminder on my calendar and I just make myself cancel it when the notam pops up. No more second guessing that MAYBE I'll order that one item. My finances have helped take care of that.
But the biggest one was a leak in our plumbing. We knew something was wrong, and we sat there and listened to the shower dripping, sometimes heavily, literally for about 4 years. This was due to the house being in such bad shape. A health issue with my husband caused us to be forced to clear out parts of the house (sometimes these things are actually a blessing). We finally had someone in and it turned into a huge thing, big leak in the wall, then sink and cabinet and floor had to be pulled out, mold eradicated, toilet replaced, kitchen sink faucets replaced, hall bath toilet repaired and faucets replaced. Because of the time passing by, it was not covered under insurance. So, our sink and cabinetry still lean on the front porch because it's too big to fit in our cars to carry off. And our bathroom still sits unfinished, but thankfully with working toilet and shower. It was a huge price to pay to be concerned about having someone come into what was at the time, an ultra messy house. And still not completely resolved because of money. So, yes, these decisions can be immediately big, or they can grow as time goes on and balloon in cost, both mental and fiscal.
Thank you for this article…I have more context for my unused subscriptions, un-watched courses, and less shame about the ‘wasted’ money that trickles out of my account to aspirational services…some when slither into awareness loathe to cancel…just in case…👏
Wow!! This is so me, how did you know? I thought it was me that was just being lazy, procrastinating, rubbish at everything! Others are just like me in some of these ways.
I have a stack of unopened envelopes, bills etc. I am too scared to open them. I was signed off work 2.5 years ago with a mental break down, severe depression and anxiety along with complex PTSD. I wanted to take my life, my kids are grown up with their own families, they don’t need me.
My daughter took hold and sorted a lot of the bills, I make monthly payments straight from the bank as I don’t have the fortitude to pay on time myself.
Like another comment on here, I have subscriptions that cost a tiny amount for the first year and then suddenly come out of my bank for the next year and I completely forgot to cancel them! It leaves me broke with not enough money to pay the major bills.
I am a shopaholic and at the last count I have over 100 pairs of jeans!! That is not normal!! If there is any money in my account I have to spend it even though I know that bills have to come out. My daughter tells me daily to put loads of my excessive amounts of clothes on eBay, I start with all good intentions and then bam!!! … I am distracted into the hell that is scrolling on my phone.
I am now unemployed and live on government benefits which just reduces me to feel more rubbish. Some days I am too scared to leave my house and I may not talk to anyone for days, I won’t call my kids or my best friends as I don’t want to disturb them. Or worse still they see my name show up on their phone and they think, oh not not now!!
My Dr has now referred me to be tested for ADHD as I appear to have a lot of the characteristics. Let’s see.
I don’t get where this has come from, I am 58 years old, twice married and divorced. Where did it hide for 56 years? Oh it didn’t, that must be why my husband used to tell me off for buying things, “if there’s a cheque in the book it means there is money!”
Sorry now I have poured some of it out on here! Rubbish that’s what I feel!
The struggle is real!! I lost a tooth in my 20s because I didn’t go to the dentist for five years and I swore up and down I would never miss going to the dentist again. And yet… I just failed to go to the dentist for two years and now I had to pay the cavity tax. Inconsistent medical attention is a very real element of the struggle.
I’m never leaving the dentist without making my next appointment again!
In the same boat as you (sort of). Put off going to the dentist for years until I chipped a tooth last year (actually lost a big chunk). Our niece is a dental hygienist so she keeps after us. 😊 Both hubby and I go regularly now because we get text message reminders and the appointments are set up in our calendars on our phones. It I didn't have those things I'd not be going regularly.
I am so appreciative of these posts! Both my husband and I have ADHD and it's embarrassing how much money has skipped t through the cracks in this fashion. I'm really excited to hear that these executive function issues can be improved because, although ADHD meds are really helpful in other ways, they don't really touch this stuff for me.
This is helpful. I've been reading ADHD is Awesome, and I can see similar things. I've read your books for years, and wondered if I didn't have "it" to be able to make the things happen you describe - and am encouraged that there are things, we all struggle with. There are services which will (giving up privacy) will go find out all the details - it's a lot of things coming at anyone all the time. The bigger help to me, however, is realizing everyone struggles - these are not mine ;) My struggles are mine, however, the mental picture we can build of others being "perfect" successful, etc. can beat us down (overthinking, Comparisions). I didn't want to read your year of Mental Health because I was sure I'd be less healthy.
This is one area, I don't struggle :) Same time, if fear of the details keeps me from enjoying life? Esp. if this type of thing can be outsourced?
We have a garage service - they've been good overall, but lately, missed 2 weeks. We can drop it off ourselves, minimal time, cost, etc. the main thing they provided was a weekly reminder to haul it to the street.
Now that they've missed two weeks... hmm. It's gonna be something I do, assign, or accept bad service - however, I will not beat myself up over their failure to deliver.
You have loads of talents and experiences, and I always enjoy what you write - and in this you confirm the startup idea for some people tracking down all those details, and checking on them, would be a good startup idea. (clue critical brain lol - Privacy laws, issues, challenges, etc.) vs. provide a template/paper workbook to people with a list of items to check yearly? Like the packing list people have online...
At the end of the day, 100% get you would do it! We would all 100% do X, the fun is figuring how to do the important X, and let the Y go by the wayside.
For you, setting up email reminders, or better yet pre-pay 2 years in advance, ? and an auto pay service, etc. for key things might be huge.
Gamifying reviewing the accounts, AS a blog post, for you makes content out of a chore? (Mind set of the activity...)
If you haven't read ADHD is Awesome, and others, there is some great stuff out there, and I'm looking forward to learning what you've learned -
For myself, fear of starting Newsletter supporting Job Seekers, (just re-read $100 startup), remains real. so gonna do it anyway. :)
Yes :( 😞 nightmare how this pattern is so destructive...
thank you for highlighting how one can be great at creative problem solving among other strengths YET struggle immensely with 'simple' tasks like those mentioned.
Lately I’ve noticed all the struggle tax in the kitchen. That food we had to throw out because I salted it too many times, forgetting that I already salted it. The pot holder my gf somehow left in the oven & burned. All of the measuring cups and other plastic items melted on the stove. The dozens of containers of salad that turned to liquid. The entire cups of coffee I spilled on the floor. The food I meal prepped and then left out on the counter overnight & had to toss.
Maybe this is why I hate cooking 😂. Nothing seriously scary has ever happened but there have been so many silly mistakes that add up.
My first smartphone was a solution (and a curse on other fronts). Since I could set all kinds of alarms, agenda notifications, etc, I forgot less things. It even helps me get more structured. But it's also annoying and costs more energy than I want
So many, sadly. All the food that I bought with great intentions, that I watched go bad in my fridge. All the credit card late fees because I forgot it wasn't on autopay. And many subscriptions that were annual which were amazing at the time, and then when I stopped using them I would completely forget about them and then suddenly see a $500 charge and I would have to figure out 'What the hell IS this??"
Struggletastic Tax! YAY!
Happens all the time! Naturally i blame myself for being, inattentive, lazy, disorganized, slow all those kinds of words. It's the cost of being successful? I don't think do. I think it's more like things are more complicated, and slower. Things needing attention used to arrive in the mail, and as time allowed i pulled envelopes from the bottom, except for suspected invoices which went in a separate stack. It worked nearly flawlessly, until it didn't.
Now thing requiring action come via voice mail, via the copper line phone, the mobile phone, via Messenger, via what's app, yes, sometime via fax. No wonder i can't keep up...there is so much to keep up with than paying the bills on time.....
Right now, my struggle tax is dealing with EXTRA ONLINE STORAGE. I currently pay for iCloud storage and Dropbox storage. Google is now telling me I don’t have enough. So much so that in a couple of weeks I won’t be able to send emails and currently I can’t edit any google docs. I probably won’t do anything until the day before. 🙈
Yep. We call it the ADHD tax. 😅
Wow, I feel so seen! I love and appreciate this language and feel it captures well how I feel. I don’t know enough about “executive function” or how to test for its absence or lack. But I know I can relate to this.
I don't THINK I'm ADHD, but I struggle with some of the same things you write about. Amazon Prime has gotten me a couple of times. I now put a reminder on my calendar and I just make myself cancel it when the notam pops up. No more second guessing that MAYBE I'll order that one item. My finances have helped take care of that.
But the biggest one was a leak in our plumbing. We knew something was wrong, and we sat there and listened to the shower dripping, sometimes heavily, literally for about 4 years. This was due to the house being in such bad shape. A health issue with my husband caused us to be forced to clear out parts of the house (sometimes these things are actually a blessing). We finally had someone in and it turned into a huge thing, big leak in the wall, then sink and cabinet and floor had to be pulled out, mold eradicated, toilet replaced, kitchen sink faucets replaced, hall bath toilet repaired and faucets replaced. Because of the time passing by, it was not covered under insurance. So, our sink and cabinetry still lean on the front porch because it's too big to fit in our cars to carry off. And our bathroom still sits unfinished, but thankfully with working toilet and shower. It was a huge price to pay to be concerned about having someone come into what was at the time, an ultra messy house. And still not completely resolved because of money. So, yes, these decisions can be immediately big, or they can grow as time goes on and balloon in cost, both mental and fiscal.
Thank you for this article…I have more context for my unused subscriptions, un-watched courses, and less shame about the ‘wasted’ money that trickles out of my account to aspirational services…some when slither into awareness loathe to cancel…just in case…👏
Wow!! This is so me, how did you know? I thought it was me that was just being lazy, procrastinating, rubbish at everything! Others are just like me in some of these ways.
I have a stack of unopened envelopes, bills etc. I am too scared to open them. I was signed off work 2.5 years ago with a mental break down, severe depression and anxiety along with complex PTSD. I wanted to take my life, my kids are grown up with their own families, they don’t need me.
My daughter took hold and sorted a lot of the bills, I make monthly payments straight from the bank as I don’t have the fortitude to pay on time myself.
Like another comment on here, I have subscriptions that cost a tiny amount for the first year and then suddenly come out of my bank for the next year and I completely forgot to cancel them! It leaves me broke with not enough money to pay the major bills.
I am a shopaholic and at the last count I have over 100 pairs of jeans!! That is not normal!! If there is any money in my account I have to spend it even though I know that bills have to come out. My daughter tells me daily to put loads of my excessive amounts of clothes on eBay, I start with all good intentions and then bam!!! … I am distracted into the hell that is scrolling on my phone.
I am now unemployed and live on government benefits which just reduces me to feel more rubbish. Some days I am too scared to leave my house and I may not talk to anyone for days, I won’t call my kids or my best friends as I don’t want to disturb them. Or worse still they see my name show up on their phone and they think, oh not not now!!
My Dr has now referred me to be tested for ADHD as I appear to have a lot of the characteristics. Let’s see.
I don’t get where this has come from, I am 58 years old, twice married and divorced. Where did it hide for 56 years? Oh it didn’t, that must be why my husband used to tell me off for buying things, “if there’s a cheque in the book it means there is money!”
Sorry now I have poured some of it out on here! Rubbish that’s what I feel!
The struggle is real!! I lost a tooth in my 20s because I didn’t go to the dentist for five years and I swore up and down I would never miss going to the dentist again. And yet… I just failed to go to the dentist for two years and now I had to pay the cavity tax. Inconsistent medical attention is a very real element of the struggle.
I’m never leaving the dentist without making my next appointment again!
In the same boat as you (sort of). Put off going to the dentist for years until I chipped a tooth last year (actually lost a big chunk). Our niece is a dental hygienist so she keeps after us. 😊 Both hubby and I go regularly now because we get text message reminders and the appointments are set up in our calendars on our phones. It I didn't have those things I'd not be going regularly.
I am so appreciative of these posts! Both my husband and I have ADHD and it's embarrassing how much money has skipped t through the cracks in this fashion. I'm really excited to hear that these executive function issues can be improved because, although ADHD meds are really helpful in other ways, they don't really touch this stuff for me.
This is helpful. I've been reading ADHD is Awesome, and I can see similar things. I've read your books for years, and wondered if I didn't have "it" to be able to make the things happen you describe - and am encouraged that there are things, we all struggle with. There are services which will (giving up privacy) will go find out all the details - it's a lot of things coming at anyone all the time. The bigger help to me, however, is realizing everyone struggles - these are not mine ;) My struggles are mine, however, the mental picture we can build of others being "perfect" successful, etc. can beat us down (overthinking, Comparisions). I didn't want to read your year of Mental Health because I was sure I'd be less healthy.
This is one area, I don't struggle :) Same time, if fear of the details keeps me from enjoying life? Esp. if this type of thing can be outsourced?
We have a garage service - they've been good overall, but lately, missed 2 weeks. We can drop it off ourselves, minimal time, cost, etc. the main thing they provided was a weekly reminder to haul it to the street.
Now that they've missed two weeks... hmm. It's gonna be something I do, assign, or accept bad service - however, I will not beat myself up over their failure to deliver.
You have loads of talents and experiences, and I always enjoy what you write - and in this you confirm the startup idea for some people tracking down all those details, and checking on them, would be a good startup idea. (clue critical brain lol - Privacy laws, issues, challenges, etc.) vs. provide a template/paper workbook to people with a list of items to check yearly? Like the packing list people have online...
At the end of the day, 100% get you would do it! We would all 100% do X, the fun is figuring how to do the important X, and let the Y go by the wayside.
For you, setting up email reminders, or better yet pre-pay 2 years in advance, ? and an auto pay service, etc. for key things might be huge.
Gamifying reviewing the accounts, AS a blog post, for you makes content out of a chore? (Mind set of the activity...)
If you haven't read ADHD is Awesome, and others, there is some great stuff out there, and I'm looking forward to learning what you've learned -
For myself, fear of starting Newsletter supporting Job Seekers, (just re-read $100 startup), remains real. so gonna do it anyway. :)
Yes :( 😞 nightmare how this pattern is so destructive...
thank you for highlighting how one can be great at creative problem solving among other strengths YET struggle immensely with 'simple' tasks like those mentioned.
So grateful for this series...
Lately I’ve noticed all the struggle tax in the kitchen. That food we had to throw out because I salted it too many times, forgetting that I already salted it. The pot holder my gf somehow left in the oven & burned. All of the measuring cups and other plastic items melted on the stove. The dozens of containers of salad that turned to liquid. The entire cups of coffee I spilled on the floor. The food I meal prepped and then left out on the counter overnight & had to toss.
Maybe this is why I hate cooking 😂. Nothing seriously scary has ever happened but there have been so many silly mistakes that add up.
My first smartphone was a solution (and a curse on other fronts). Since I could set all kinds of alarms, agenda notifications, etc, I forgot less things. It even helps me get more structured. But it's also annoying and costs more energy than I want
This is good too: https://www.additudemag.com/
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