The Perks of Being Misunderstood
Not following the crowd can be challenging, but it also comes with benefits.
If you want to do something different with your life, you must be prepared to be misunderstood.
You must accept that some people “won’t get it.”
Not all of them will be strangers; in fact, they are more likely to be known to you.
The misunderstanding may come with criticism, skepticism, or dismissal. You might be accused—directly or subtly—of being naive, uninformed, or unrealistic.
The misunderstanding is also usually baked-in. When you try to explain it, the skepticism directed at you increases rather than shrinks.
All of this WILL happen sooner or later to everyone who wants something different from life. And then it will happen again. If you end up taking action on what you want—if you go from idea to ideation—look out! You will be misunderstood even more, and by more people.
But that’s okay. Whenever possible, don’t allow the fear of being misunderstood to hold you back. The good news is that, in addition to the sheer joy of doing what you want, being misunderstood also comes with numerous benefits.
Here are a few of them.
1. People tend to leave you alone.
Which can be nice! You’re allowed to develop in your own way. After all, you’re the odd one out. “That’s just the way so-and-so is,” they’ll say, as if by way of explanation.
Meanwhile you can pursue your own path/dreams/goals and experiments, content and carefree.
2. People will be surprised and impressed when you succeed.
Much better to be the underdog who rises to the challenge than the champion who must always defend their title.
3. You find fellow misfits along the way.
Best of all, you’ll know that these people like you for who you are, not who they want you to be, what you can do for them, or any other spurious reason.
4. Being misunderstood offers a built-in leadership role.
Inevitably, you’ll end up inspiring others. Consider this famous quote from John Quincy Adams:
“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
This is exactly what happens when you’re misunderstood!
Or at least, eventually it does. You first need to embrace the part about being misunderstood. (Don’t forget that. If you were able to skip over it, there would be no misunderstanding, and nothing else in this post would apply.)
Most likely there are some other perks as well, but I figured this was a good starting point.
Just in case it’s not clear, I’m in favor of being misunderstood. The benefits outweigh the costs. 🙂
But I also want to make sure it’s clear that the state of being misunderstood is often unpleasant, especially in the early days.
I started writing this post when I heard someone say, in effect, “Misunderstood people will rule the world.”
Well, sure—maybe. But first they will be misunderstood, and it’s good to know that going in.
Conversation Starters
1. What are some other perks of being misunderstood?
2. What do you believe that some people consider strange or unusual?
3. A time when you changed your mind recently.
The more inner work I do, the bigger the gap I create between myself and everyone around me.
Self-awareness and self-direction — becoming more and more ourselves — is both a super power and social kryptonite. It’s epic in terms of creatively designing lives that are truly self-fulfilling, but it’s also a pain in the butt in terms of dealing with how much of an oddball we become to the rest of society.
I call it “the double work.” First, you do inner work on yourself to become more and more yourself. Then, you have to do a second round of inner work to deal with how different you are from everyone else, in order to integrate and accept those differences. It takes creativity and courage to find ways to navigate being a super weirdo in the midst of conventional reality/society.
But it’s worth it anyway! If we expect that it’s going to be a social hassle to be more personally liberated, paradoxically, it’s less upsetting, and we can embrace and expect that second round of inner work and just get to it! So here’s to “the double work” and to being misfits!
Thank you. Funny, I'm working on a similar piece but from a different angle this week. Essentially, how binding expectations can be. The implicit expectations we have for ourselves and those we perceive others have for us. They can limit us because it can be so uncomfortable to step outside of them, and, as you say, be misunderstood.