"I’m better when I am still": A Conversation with Ryan Holiday
Questions and answers with Ryan Holiday, bestselling author and creator of Daily Stoic: Ancient Wisdom for Everyday Life.
Our interview series features interesting people with something to say that the world needs hearing. Let me know what you think—we’ll continue to experiment and evolve along the way. 🙏
Introducing Ryan Holiday
I’ve known Ryan for more than a decade, and for a while he and I were each writing books every year or so—but at some point he eclipsed me and just kept going.
One time a new book of his (Conspiracy) showed up at my house, and I’d never heard of it—which was weird! We had the same publisher for a while, so I was usually aware of upcoming titles.
But it turned out he just wrote this extra book “on the side,” which involved all sorts of investigative journalism and conversations with very famous people.
Another rare thing about Ryan is that in addition to being prolific, he is also extremely grounded.
Many of his Instagram posts are about his family, the ranch they live on in Texas, and the bookstore (like, a real bookstore) that he opened during the pandemic. I’m not sure how he does everything either, but I was very happy to catch up with him for this interview.
Here are a few highlights from Ryan’s bio (in first-person):
I am Ryan Holiday and I am a writer and media strategist. When I was 19 years old, I dropped out of college to apprentice under Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power. I had a successful marketing career at American Apparel and went on to found a creative agency called Brass Check, which has advised clients like Google, TASER, and Complex, as well as many prominent bestselling authors. I am the author of sixteen books, including The Obstacle Is the Way, Ego Is the Enemy, The Daily Stoic, and Stillness is the Key which have sold more than 2 million copies in thirty languages. I spend much of my time on a ranch outside Austin, Texas where I do my writing and work in between raising cattle, donkeys and goats.
Naturally, we’re more interested in the person behind the impressive bio. And since this is
, I’m interested in how people think about wellbeing in general.So let’s have some questions and answers with Ryan Holiday!
Qs & As with Ryan
What does mental health and wellbeing mean to you?
There is this great quote from Seneca where he’s defining tranquility–the word he uses for it is euthmyia–is knowing what path you’re on and not being distracted or led away from that path by those that criss cross yours. He was saying we have to be particularly away not to be led down the garden path from those who are lost.
I think about this a lot when I find myself being competitive or jealous. How do I know we’re heading in the same direction? How do I know this person knows where they are going?
Anyway, mental health and well-being to me is when I am self-contained, on my path, doing my thing (as opposed to say scrolling and comparing and feeling less than). I’m good when I am doing my work, living my life, in my relationships and not thinking about what other people think or how it might be better or different or whatever.
In my book on Stillness is the Key, I talk a lot about this and that word stillness means so much to me. I’m better when I am still. That isn’t to say I’m not moving and doing stuff, but I’ve slowed down my mind. I’m ignoring what doesn’t matter. I’m enough.
What is your primary or most important message?
You don’t control what happens. You control how you respond to what happens. This is the essence of Stoic philosophy. This is what I am constantly trying to remind myself of and live by. Am I good at it? Nope! But I try.
What’s something contrarian or highly unusual that you passionately believe?
I think it’s been interesting how the last couple years most of the contrarians have lost their minds. Go back and read that original piece about the Intellectual Dark Web and see how many are still standing. And if you think many of them are … well then you’re one of the people who lost their mind. A friend and I were talking recently and he said something like, “Having a contrarian opinion that turns out to be right can be a brain destroying experience.” This is very true: Because you start to see it everywhere…and you end up kicking out the legs of reality. You end up in cuckoo land.
I’ve seen this with lots of entrepreneurs and artists in a more banal way. Everyone told you the idea wouldn’t work, you were wrong, that it was crazy. And then it turned out you were right! Now what? My publisher has been wrong about so many things–including about how big The Obstacle is the Way was going to be. But if I take from that that I should never listen, that I can just blow them off? I’m in real trouble.
This isn’t really answering your question, I guess I am just saying that while I used to love contrarian thinking, I now regard it much more cautiously and have seen it ruin some very smart people. In fact, that’s what happens, their smartness turns on itself and they have become quite stupid.
Some more Qs and recommendations!
What’s difficult for you right now? What are you struggling with?
As always—and forever—saying no is so difficult. It’s not FOMO so much for me as it is worrying that I’m being irresponsible. That someday the music will stop and I’ll feel really stupid that I turned things down when there was abundance that now in more scarce times I could honestly use.
Financially, this feeling is always there, even when you have succeeded. But I think it’s also there just from a relevance perspective. Someday people are going to stop asking, I think, so do it now. Is this better than the ego of assuming there will always be another bus coming? Probably, but it’s not exactly right either.
Going through your life from a place of insecurity is miserable and inefficient and ultimately unsustainable. So I am trying to be a bit more rational and balanced about these things. Do I really need to do it? What would actually happen if I passed? What am I saying no to when I say yes? And vice versa…
What is a simple thing (or 2-3 simple things) we can do to be better?
Get up early. Try to drink lots of water. Read physical books. And swim. There is something magical about being in water. Oh, and try not to watch the news so much.
Lastly, what are a few things you’d like to recommend to our community?
I just read this great book Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller. I don’t know if I’ve ever read a book like it. I always love when you find something that just feels fresh and different. It seems easy to do but it isn’t. Also the title is mind-blowing, although a smidge misleading. Apparently it is true, basically scientists no longer consider ‘fish’ a category of animals. We think they all have something in common because they live in water but they don’t! Anyway, the book is actually a fascinating memoir of someone trying to make sense of the meaning of life … after blowing up her life.
I’ve also been listening to Ethel Cain a lot, who I think is an awesome musician that more people should hear.
Big Thanks to Ryan!
Be sure to find Ryan on Instagram and DailyStoic.com and don’t forget to check out his new book Right Thing, Right Now.
Finally, let me know if you were able to read the interview! More of them are in the works, so be sure you’re subscribed—and stay tuned. 🙏
"You don’t control what happens. You control how you respond to what happens." This is GOLD.
The bit about not following someone who is on a different path really hit home, because it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot as a business owner. There’s so much advice out there, given with so much damn certainty. Most of the people dispensing it don’t seem to consider that what worked for them may not work for everyone, so it’s my responsibility to sort through it and take what I need.