"I Forgot" Doesn’t Always Mean What You Think
It’s rarely about memory, and often about something deeper.
What does “I forgot” mean? Perhaps it’s not such a literal statement, at least much of the time. Among other things, I forgot can mean:
“I cared too much and got overwhelmed.”
“I was trying to protect myself from disappointment.”
“I was scared I’d do it wrong, so I froze instead.”
“I knew it was important, and that made it harder.”
“I didn’t know how to say no, so I said nothing.”
“I was ashamed I hadn’t done it yet.”
“I didn’t forget, I postponed it 37 times in my head.”
“My capacity and my intention don’t always match.”
“I needed help, but didn’t know how to ask.”
Keep This in Mind When You (and Other People) Forget Things
All of the items on this list have been true for me at different times, so I try to keep them in mind whenever other people forget to do something. Are these people dropping the ball on purpose? Are they secretly trying to sabotage themselves by promising something they won’t be able to fulfill?
Well, maybe, but most likely it’s one of the other things. They probably aren’t sitting there thinking up ways to be annoying or let others down.
It doesn’t mean we should stop striving to be conscientious. It just means: sometimes a little grace goes a long way. Both for others and for yourself.
Maybe a good perspective shift for someone this week?
P.S. The Executive Function Online Summit for Parents (TEFOS) kicks off later this week. It’s free to join live (you can purchase the recordings) and you’ll hear from several dozen experts. Highly recommended for all parents and teachers!
See also
Working Memory, or Why You Keep Forgetting Everything
I made a Reel recently where I said, in effect, if you want to get better at life, get better at executive functions.
Chris, this one post was worth its weight in gold to me.
You never know when you post something how it’s gong to land with people.
It could seem like such a simple thing, but the world is big and lots of things are happening for folks.
You never know when it could land in just the right way.
I had been putting off replying to someone I care about, who sent me a very loving card earlier in the summer.
For some ungodly reason I just – I really don’t know why – didn’t reply.
Maybe because I felt like I’m underwater emotionally, so I wasn’t available to be relational in some way? I don’t know. It was honestly mysterious and strange. And not like me.
I read this post, and I immediately texted this person an apology and gratitude for the loving card they sent me.
It took a weight off my heart.
Thank you!
Deeply and sincerely, thank you for sharing, authentically and publicly, your thoughts about various psychological wackinesses that we all face.
This one really hit home for me and it unlocked something I didn’t know I needed someone else to unlock for me.
But this is just what I needed. I’m so grateful! ❤️
Hi again! I think this idea is particularly helpful when looking at ourselves. Why did I really “forget” that??