Love this post. For the past couple years, I've preferred to be alone on the holidays, and just to have that whole day to do whatever I wanted. I assume that also stems from how anxiety-inducing being around my family can be, but I'm not gonna dig into that so much here right now, and instead just revel in the fact that I do thoroughly enjoy the quiet alone time I get on the holidays!
Oh, I didn’t know you were American, Chris! My British heart always finds it amusing to hear talk of holidays in December because I tend to take mine in the summer… But you definitely have a point about the Christmas season being one where people feel like they have to feel a certain way. One thing I find helpful is to tune into shorter seasons and the changing light and moods - Creationtide and harvest through September, October as a time of pumpkins, colourful leaves and getting ready for winter, November as a season of saints and remembrance (we have All Saints, All Souls, Guy Fawkes Night on 5th Nov and Remembrance Day on 11th Nov) before we reach Advent, Christmas and Epiphany
Thank you Chris - this is an important one. I love the idea of acknowledging the suck when it's there - doing otherwise is gaslighting yourself. That doesn't mean you are able to do something about it, but just being honest rather than faking it is - well, it's unmasking to yourself, isn't it? Also, who the heck says you have to celebrate a specific way? When our kids were little and we were without family close to join us for holidays, we decided that nobody, especially 3-6 year olds, actually WANTED a giant sit-down dinner anyway - and exchanged it for an all-day buffet of everyone's favourites, and a walk in the fresh air, preferably with a doggo friend. Making your own traditions can be a great way to proceed - even if it's a 'Festivus' celebration with friends with an airing of the grievances (like in Seinfeld), or a brand now holiday (Kazoo-Day!). And, finally, if you DO have to go to a big, awful family celebration - I recommend Dysfunctional Family Bingo. I wish I'd thought of it, but I have to credit Martha Beck. Find another relative who 'gets it' and create a bingo board around your dread ('Uncle Buck will say something racist, Aunt Millie will get drunk and start singing rugby songs, Grandpa will talk politics about the election, your sister will remind you how much money she earns') and that can help to turn the dread to a different sort of anticipation - a shared joke about the ridiculousness of it all. And while I have my issues with Harry Potter's creator, 'Riddikulus' is indeed a mighty powerful spell!
Thanks for this Chris! It's all the LYING thru the holidays that's exhausting ! There is little acceptance in our cultural norms to not participate in a very expected way.
Plus food shopping is extremely challenging
At these times, so getting regular basic needs met is A double chore!
Loved the Christmas tree drawing in the vacant room!
I love spending holidays alone (with my husband) or not doing anything special at all. For some reason, "not doing anything" on a day like that, feels special in itself. I used to feel a bit ashamed, like people would judge me, but not anymore, who cares!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Chris! Helpful post. I am one of those souls who dreads the Christmas holiday in particular. I understand the ritual around the season - togetherness, change of weather and patterns, a time to reflect and nurture... but I want to do it on my timeframe, not when a calendar (or retail store) tells me to!
It took me years to realize why I dreaded Christmas Day. Growing up in a split household, I used to spend the entire day traveling to one house to another to sit with family, eat, open presents. All good things, of course, but the day started early and rarely did I get to even enjoy or appreciate the gifts because it was time to pack them up and go on to the next house. When I got married, my in-laws always had Xmas day breakfast... and once again, I found myself traveling to one house to the next, never getting a moment to really FEEL the day and the experience.
I finally accepted that I just don't want to go out on Christmas Day and I'm staying put unless the mood strikes me otherwise. It was a big shift in my mental wellbeing of not feeling like I HAD TO.
Love this post. For the past couple years, I've preferred to be alone on the holidays, and just to have that whole day to do whatever I wanted. I assume that also stems from how anxiety-inducing being around my family can be, but I'm not gonna dig into that so much here right now, and instead just revel in the fact that I do thoroughly enjoy the quiet alone time I get on the holidays!
Oh, I didn’t know you were American, Chris! My British heart always finds it amusing to hear talk of holidays in December because I tend to take mine in the summer… But you definitely have a point about the Christmas season being one where people feel like they have to feel a certain way. One thing I find helpful is to tune into shorter seasons and the changing light and moods - Creationtide and harvest through September, October as a time of pumpkins, colourful leaves and getting ready for winter, November as a season of saints and remembrance (we have All Saints, All Souls, Guy Fawkes Night on 5th Nov and Remembrance Day on 11th Nov) before we reach Advent, Christmas and Epiphany
Thanks for summarizing all of those, that’s a helpful reflection of where the holidays stem from.
Thank you Chris - this is an important one. I love the idea of acknowledging the suck when it's there - doing otherwise is gaslighting yourself. That doesn't mean you are able to do something about it, but just being honest rather than faking it is - well, it's unmasking to yourself, isn't it? Also, who the heck says you have to celebrate a specific way? When our kids were little and we were without family close to join us for holidays, we decided that nobody, especially 3-6 year olds, actually WANTED a giant sit-down dinner anyway - and exchanged it for an all-day buffet of everyone's favourites, and a walk in the fresh air, preferably with a doggo friend. Making your own traditions can be a great way to proceed - even if it's a 'Festivus' celebration with friends with an airing of the grievances (like in Seinfeld), or a brand now holiday (Kazoo-Day!). And, finally, if you DO have to go to a big, awful family celebration - I recommend Dysfunctional Family Bingo. I wish I'd thought of it, but I have to credit Martha Beck. Find another relative who 'gets it' and create a bingo board around your dread ('Uncle Buck will say something racist, Aunt Millie will get drunk and start singing rugby songs, Grandpa will talk politics about the election, your sister will remind you how much money she earns') and that can help to turn the dread to a different sort of anticipation - a shared joke about the ridiculousness of it all. And while I have my issues with Harry Potter's creator, 'Riddikulus' is indeed a mighty powerful spell!
Thanks for this Chris! It's all the LYING thru the holidays that's exhausting ! There is little acceptance in our cultural norms to not participate in a very expected way.
Plus food shopping is extremely challenging
At these times, so getting regular basic needs met is A double chore!
Loved the Christmas tree drawing in the vacant room!
I love spending holidays alone (with my husband) or not doing anything special at all. For some reason, "not doing anything" on a day like that, feels special in itself. I used to feel a bit ashamed, like people would judge me, but not anymore, who cares!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us Chris! Helpful post. I am one of those souls who dreads the Christmas holiday in particular. I understand the ritual around the season - togetherness, change of weather and patterns, a time to reflect and nurture... but I want to do it on my timeframe, not when a calendar (or retail store) tells me to!
It took me years to realize why I dreaded Christmas Day. Growing up in a split household, I used to spend the entire day traveling to one house to another to sit with family, eat, open presents. All good things, of course, but the day started early and rarely did I get to even enjoy or appreciate the gifts because it was time to pack them up and go on to the next house. When I got married, my in-laws always had Xmas day breakfast... and once again, I found myself traveling to one house to the next, never getting a moment to really FEEL the day and the experience.
I finally accepted that I just don't want to go out on Christmas Day and I'm staying put unless the mood strikes me otherwise. It was a big shift in my mental wellbeing of not feeling like I HAD TO.
Good and enlightening article
always a good story